He is very into 'taboo' again I roll my eyes. Most is not so taboo, but then again, some things were and now aren't. I guess my point is we discuss it, then do it. Read it, watch it, and have fun with it...~together~.
I say we are swingers, and he'll say 'We are NOT swingers!' We have fun with others in oh so many formats, ~but~ we ~never~ switch. So I guess because we don't then we aren't. (He has been backed up in literature and those in the lifestyle-what ever.) I enjoy being wicked with my husband. I love pleasure and pleasing him. We love fulfilling each other's fantasies; and yes he so pleases me and rocks my world.He loves taking me shopping and I'll wear what he wants me to. Totally different taste in that department as well. So, we compromise. My sexy langerie I wear under my clothes when not togther, though he is coming around, and the trashy stuff I wear for him when we are together. (This is a personal opinion of terms mind you) I have bought stuff for him and he wears it for me. Everything we do and have is his, mine, and then there is ours.
We can tell each other any kink, any fetish, any dream, desire, want and need, and the other does their best to do their part. Sometimes it takes a couple of times to get it right; but it only expands and gets better from there. Sometimes the "guilties" set in and the other makes it okay. Who cares what the media, society, and how we were raised define what is okay. ~We~ are what matters, not them.When we first got together I asked him, "If two people are together and then get married, then shouldn't they provide the other part of the fulfilled fantasy? If not your spouse then who?" We never understood those who were more worried about what others thought, or lived by "well that's just not done." Why? I don't get it. Never have. Sinful!
I have had GFs who divorced their husbands because they looked at magazines. I bought my hubby his subscriptions for his first birthday we were together. How do people get jealous of a video? We watch together and do with each other. "That's Hot!" We love playing IFT (I'd F That) together. He points out for me, and I point out for him, and every once in a while-not so rare-we both point out the same. FUN!
We are both into PDA, and I just don't understand why people don't. 'OMG I french kissed my hubby waiting in line." Played footsies under the restaurant table...among other things. (depends on table cloths) Snorkeling, beaches, and the best is sailing! Ever done things on a boom? Made him steer off course once masturbating on the boom while catching some rays...Why not?Kiss me good morning. Kiss me good bye. Kiss me hello. Kiss me goodnight. Tell me you love me often. Have silly pet names, and names only the two of you share. No room is off limits...okay the kids room is off limits in our book, but when they moved out all bets were off. Road trips, picnics in the forest...a week should not go by without intamacy and that does not necessarily mean sex. This is not to say we haven't had our dry spells...because we have, but I think the years of minimum of twice a day took care of this. We haven't done it all, and more to explore, but I think my biggest point is...
In order to get through the really rough times, your good times need to be good, great, extraordinary. How ever you define that. Don't be afraid to discuss your needs and ~never~ assume they won't get it. I think that's the biggest problem with relationships that I have seen. There are too many 'no I won'ts' and not enough 'okay let's try'. Too much of "well society says if you do that then it means..." Men may want a lady in public and a slut in the bedroom, but guess what, ladies want a gentleman when PC correct is needed and a wicked lover when it's not. It doesn't matter what the experts, society, media, etc define! It matters how the two of you define...So, yes, lovers, slut, tantra, kama sutra, BDSM (he's my Sir and I'm his pet), Kinky, Fetish, washing each other in the shower, in the ocean, pool, hot tub, in the bedroom, kitchen, closet, backback patio under a full moon. Imagination, creativity, exploration, and education. You have to be friends and lovers. Husband and wife by your terms NOT societies or how you were raised to define this; because when it comes down to it, the kids grow up and move on, friends come and friends go, society changes the rules daily, money is here today and gone tomarrow, healthy and sickness, young and older, and all that is left is you and your mate. It is not about you or me, them or they, but the we! Yet, isn't that what it is suppose to be all about?
So agree to disagree. Fight clean and have dirty sex. Take time out before it goes into the ugly zone, and make parenting a joint effort but let your kids know how you love them is not the same and make your mate never forget why you're together, Openly communicate about everything and anything. No Secrets, No lies, and as little time wasted as possible. Appreciate and rarely take for granted. Good times, bad times, and everything in between -- that's life isn't it?
Sometimes relationships are a burning inferno, and sometimes just a glimmer of light. Don't let the spark go out, because even under the coldest ashes there is usually an ember you can blow on to get the warm cozy fire burning.