Gloria's Oversexed Mind

In a world where you can find hundreds of studies and reports on abstinence, it's a lot harder to find studies which answer the simple question: is sex good for you? In 2003, Forbes (yes, Forbes, the business magazine) concluded that, YES, sex is great for you.

"Fans of abstinence had better be sitting down. "Saving yourself" before the big game, the big business deal, the big hoedown or the big bakeoff may indeed confer some moral benefit. But corporeally it does absolutely zip. There's no evidence it sharpens your competitive edge. The best that modern science can say for sexual abstinence is that it's harmless when practiced in moderation. Having regular and enthusiastic sex, by contrast, confers a host of measurable physiological advantages, be you male or female. (This assumes that you are engaging in sex without contracting a sexually transmitted disease.)

"In one of the most credible studies correlating overall health with sexual frequency, Queens University in Belfast tracked the mortality of about 1,000 middle-aged men over the course of a decade. The study was designed to compare persons of comparable circumstances, age and health. Its findings, published in 1997 in the British Medical Journal, were that men who reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate half that of the laggards."

The article lists the many benefits of regular sex, including: reduced risk of heart disease, weight loss and fitness, reduced depression, pain relief, fewer colds and flus, better bladder control, better teeth, healthier prostate. Sex can even improve your sense of smell. "After sex, production of the hormone prolactin surges. This in turn causes stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain's olfactory bulb, its smell center."

The Forbes piece also answers another important question: Is there such a thing as too much sex? On this point, the news is mixed: "The answer, in purely physiological terms, is this: If you're female, probably not. If you're male? You betcha."

Read the whole thing: Is Sex Necessary? by Alan Farnham

June 29, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

This falls into the category of "you just never know what will pop up when you google for 'spanking'"...

ChristianityToday: To Spank or Not To Spank?

from the article:
"Does a biblical view of childhood and parental responsibility require that corporal punishment be part of our child-rearing style as Christians? And related to this, what level of sanction or punishment is necessary to train children up to Christian maturity?"

June 29, 2004 in Religion, Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Here are two creepy little stories of interest, one about rats and one about leeches.

The first one declares rat drug may boost sex drive in women, study finds. "A drug that seems to drive female rats mad for sex may offer the first real scientific aphrodisiac for women, U.S. and Canadian researchers have said."

This is good news for all sex-loving adults...except I now cannot get the image of horny, lust-crazed female rats out of my head. EUW. SAFE WORD!

Next, leeches are back. Yes, the humble blood-sucking creatures that figure in horror movies and nearly made Humphrey Bogart pass out in "The African Queen" are back in medical fashion. Why? Because they work to heal people with poor circulation or skin grafts.

--from Seattle Times News Services

"WASHINGTON — Blood-sucking leeches, used for thousands of years in
medicine, now have the U.S. government's seal of approval as a tool for
healing skin grafts and restoring circulation, regulators said yesterday.

"The Food and Drug Administration approved an application from French firm
Ricarimpex to market leeches for medicinal purposes. The company has been
breeding leeches for 150 years, the FDA said.

"Medicinal leeches — Hirudo medicinalis — normally make their home in fresh
water. "

June 29, 2004 in Science, Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

F*cking villagers vote against name change

"Residents of an Austrian village called F*cking, have voted against changing the name.

"The 150 or so people who live in the village debated the issue after roadsigns kept being stolen - many by British tourists.

"Spokesman Siegfried Hoeppl, said: "Everyone here knows what it means in English, but for us F*cking is F*cking - and it's going to stay F*cking - even though the signs keep getting stolen."

June 27, 2004 in Post-Modern Pop Culture | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

A nude shot (that is, a full frontal nude shot) of Irish actor Colin Farrell has been snipped from his new movie. Apparently his penis was too "distracting".

A 'Show Us the Full Monty" campaign will be starting up at womens' colleges around the world.

June 27, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

This fascinating little study was conducted by German sociologists, who concluded that sex helps students perform better in school.

Does this mean that abstinence makes you stupid? Hmmmm.

June 27, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Just read this book review, 'Why We Do It': Sex and the Single Cell. The book sounds fascinating and the review itself offers some interesting ideas, including this snippet:

"Eldredge does allow that with most animals, the effort to get food ultimately serves the aim of reproduction; but with human beings, he contends, sex has been shorn of its baby-making function.

"He describes those mundane varieties of human sexuality that have scant reproductive outcome: masturbation, homosexuality, contraceptive coitus, pornography, rape, sex slavery and theme parks of the teenage imagination. He considers these now to be the predominant modes of human sexual activity. Moreover, we have evidence that economics controls sexual reproduction, not the reverse."

I'll put up a link to Amazon, in case anyone wants to order it.

June 26, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

It's been a few years since I've marched in a Pride parade, but this one makes me feel like booking a flight to India. How strange and wondrous it would be to witness this event and support the brave souls trying to gain acceptance. Particularly in Indian society, which generally considers homosexuals to be freaks of human nature, and where a rash of tragic gay suicides have made headlines.

June 26, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Viewing this photo makes me think it would really be quite convenient if all eligible men wore their penis size on their backs.

June 26, 2004 in Post-Modern Pop Culture | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Cypriots are all heated up about oversexed Love Boats, where "vacationers are suspected of lewd acts [on] short cruises from the Ayia Napa resort in south east Cyprus." Cops are now trying to figure out if those flesh-colored figures romping merrily on board were swinging or nude sun-bathing while standing up.

June 25, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Compassionate conservatism, anyone? According to a story in today's LA Times, Gov. Arnold (aka "groping Arnold") "wants to repeal California's comprehensive law forcing animal shelters to hold stray cats and dogs up to six days before killing them, a budget-cutting move that has enraged pet adoption groups."

"The governor proposes a change in the law to allow birds, hamsters, potbellied pigs, rabbits, snakes, turtles and other animals that are not cats and dogs to be put to death immediately if the shelter favors that approach, animal rights groups said.

"Schwarzenegger also would eliminate a requirement that people convicted of animal cruelty be prohibited from owning a pet for three years and be forced to pay for medical care for the animals they have mistreated."

What's the moral of the story here? Save taxpayer money by killing animals more quickly? Let people get away with abusing their pets? On behalf of our family's two dogs, two cats, and Spanky the Goldfish, we say "Neuter Arnold! NOW!"

June 25, 2004 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Like my new blog design and banner?

Thanks go to Lisa, at elegantwebscapes.com, who worked her butt off to create this awesome template and groovy banner. Found her through my buddy Paul, who runs a the lafessee spanking blog after I saw how cool his new site design looks. I was instantly struck by template-lust. And now, thanks to the immediate gratifications only the Internet could provide, I get to be gloriously blue while eying you from above :-)

June 25, 2004 in Autobiographical Urges | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack

Here Comes The Judge

"JUNE 24--While seated on the bench, an Oklahoma judge used a male enhancement pump, shaved and oiled his nether region, and pleasured himself, state officials charged yesterday in a petition to remove the jurist."

June 24, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack

In an attempt, apparently, to further aggravate the Governor of California, a Democrative lobbyist/entrepreneur has announced he now Seeks Ideas for 'Groping Arnold' Doll

"John Edgell, a lobbyist and former aide to several Democratic lawmakers, including Rep. Pete Stark of Fremont and Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucinich (news - web sites), has posted a request for designs on the Washington, DC home page of craigslist.org.

"In his posting, Edgell said he was seeking an "experienced sculptor" who would submit designs depicting Schwarzenegger as a groping governor. "

Where are all the savvy SM entrepreneurs when you need them? Can there be any doubt that a "Whipping Arnold" or a "Bondage Arnold" would fly off the shelves?

June 24, 2004 in Post-Modern Pop Culture | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Good thing the article said this was happening in Canada. For a minute I was wondering when I'd agreed to run for political office. See what happens when you smoke pot, children? The memory is the first thing to go!

Pot-smoking dominatrix joins election race

"OTTAWA: After a two-year stint delivering papers to Canadian senators, Marijuana Party candidate and career dominatrix Carol Taylor said she has entered the political arena to help ease people's pain. "

(thanks to Paul for sending this!)

June 24, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Today's NY Times reports that millions of women who have undergone hysterectomies, and have had their cervixes removed, are still getting pap smears.

The lead author of the new study, Dr. Brenda Sirovich, said, "We were actually quite surprised. These women are being screened for cancer in an organ that they don't have." She also noted that "The 10 million women having unnecessary Pap tests constitute about 12 percent of the 85 million women currently being screened."

If you or someone you know has had their cervix removed, make sure you (or they) read this article before the next visit to the gynecologist.

June 23, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Looks like another Republican politician is having a bad day. Unfortunately, his problem raises the same issues many of us pervs worry about: what do you do when a spouse tries to use your kinks against you in divorce court?

"On page 21 of her sworn court declaration. Ms. Ryan describes how her estranged husband insisted that she accompany him to explicit sex clubs in Paris, New Orleans and in New York. She alleged Mr. Ryan researched sex clubs and took her to two different ones in New York during the afternoon.

"According to the court records, one featured cages, whips and other apparatus hanging from the ceiling. She claims he wanted to have sex with her while another couple watched."

June 22, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

As follow-up to my PayPal plaints, I wanted to let you know that all's well that ends well. After checking around with various on-line services, and talking to my bank, I discovered that my bank offered the best deal on merchants' accounts. I'd banked with them since first moving to Georgia, and have never bounced a check, so that probably helped. In fact, the only reason I hadn't approached them before was because I was worried they might be more conservative about a non-traditional therapist like me than a service such as PayPal. I couldn't be happier to have been wrong.

It was a bit surprising how many forms and documents they needed from me, and slightly alarming when one card service sent a photographer out to take pix of my office. ("I hope you weren't expecting to find a horde of naked Rumanian sex slaves lounging about," I joked weakly. The woman froze and gave me a nervous, frosty smile. She was probably wondering if she should ask to check my basement just in case.)

Anyway, I'm happy about it and, hopefully, clients will be too. I will soon accept Visa, MC, AmEx and Discover directly. Supposedly the forms are speeding towards me even as I type....

June 21, 2004 in Autobiographical Urges | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

You really have to wonder just how self-deluded the doctor was to think he'd get away with this.

June 21, 2004 in Post-Modern Pop Culture | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Pat Carroll, who interviewed me for this story, just send me a copy via email. I don't think there's a Web link for it so I'm posting it here just as he sent it to me.

Date: 06/15/04
Day: Tuesday
Newspaper: THE HARRISBURG PATRIOT
Section: Healthy Living
Edition: FINAL
Page: F01
Headline:Impotency drug ads aim at 2 audiences, both male
Byline: PAT CARROLL
Source: Of The Patriot-News

Imagine a pleasant Sunday evening at home, watching television,
when suddenly you have to explain to your children the significance
of a four-hour erection.

Gulp. This is new.

For years, television audiences have been seduced into ad-watching
complacency by drug promotions that flirted with us -- putting
sneezing models in fields of hay to gambol gauzily after floating
pills -- without ever getting to the point.

In fact, being specific was a problem for pharmaceutical ads.
Federal Food and Drug Administration rules say any spot that
mentions a drug's purpose has to mention the risks, too.

So initial TV spots for the hot new thing in drugs, erectile
dysfunction pills, featured jocks telling us to get back in the
game. Or some doofus standing in his back yard throwing a football
through a tire swing.

This, apparently, was about sex, or at least one male view of it.

The reactions of women tended to be something like, "He can stay
out in the yard with his tire swing."

But then, those ads weren't interested in interesting women.

"A male-centric approach is most effective, Viagra executive Janice
Lipsky told Forbes magazine.

Sex therapist Dr. Gloria G. Brame says that men who take Viagra,
Levitra or Cialis are specifically not looking for feminine input.

"The man is likely going to be even more aware and anxious about it
than his partner," Brame said. "It's men who are driving this
market. They themselves are driven, I think, by:

* Youth culture -- They can work out at the gym and have the bodies
of younger men, so why not have the sexual function of a young man?

* Social pressure -- The idea that "real men can satisfy women,"
and unrealistic ideas about what it takes to be a good lover; and
by

* Anxiety, insecurity and fears of inadequacy about how they
"measure up" to other men.

None of that is anything men want to talk over with women.

"Erectile dysfunction is something women generally find difficult
to discuss with their husbands, usually for fear of hurting their
feelings, making them feel inadequate and thus potentially making
the problem worse," Brame said.

If men are willing to talk about it only with their doctors, that's
fine with Dr. J.C. Trussell of Penn State Milton S. Hershey Medical
Center.

While they're talking, he can test for all kinds of things that men
are reluctant to go to the doctor about: hypertension, diabetes,
cholesterol ...

"Historically, it was believed that 80 percent or more of erectile
dysfunction was the result of psychological difficulty. Now, with a
better understanding of physiology, it is realized that most are
due to organic causes such as diabetes, hypertension, lipid
abnormalities, even surgical disruption of the nerves heading to
the penis," Trussell said.

"Any medical condition that affects arteries will affect the very
small penile arteries. Substance abuse can be a factor as well.
Tobacco use is known to worsen ED. Excessive alcohol use will
worsen erectile function. Depression is a well-known cause."

Trussell said that most men with erectile dysfunction and attendant
conditions are not being treated, and that it's important to get
the word out that treatment is available.

Getting the word out and saying it plainly might be part of the
reasoning for this soft-porn presentation from the newest entry,
Cialis, and its instantly famous four-hour erection.

The other part might be that impotent men aren't the only target
audience.

"What the drug companies probably did not anticipate is that many
men began taking drugs like Viagra to improve performance and
personal satisfaction, not necessarily to correct impotence," Brame
said.

"Many people use these drugs recreationally. They don't need it at
all, but they believe it will give them longer, more satisfying
sexual encounters. A couple of years ago, 'Sex and the City' did a
show about hedonists taking Viagra for the fun of it.

"A lot of people out there are using ED drugs as 'marital aids,'
and not because there is an epidemic of impotence -- which is what
one might think, judging by the astonishing success of, and
apparently endless market, for these drugs."

*****************
Like the story? Drop the reporter a line: pcarroll@patriot-news.com

June 21, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A teacher's aide who forgot to put away her marshmallows and hot chocolate at Yellowstone National Park last year was taken from her cruise ship cabin in handcuffs and hauled before a judge Friday.

June 19, 2004 in Post-Modern Pop Culture | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

It seems so logical that a School Gives Transvestites Their Own Restroom. Why don't we have them here?

June 19, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

This (see below) just came out about the so-called "morning after" pill (a topic I've written about in this blog before). Is it just me, or does there seem to be a pattern of the government appointing independent review boards and then dismissing their opinions when they don't conform to the White House's political point of view? Yesterday, it was the 9/11 panel asserting that there are no direct ties between Hussein and Bin Laden. Today, it's FDA scientists who say the government's decision on emergency contraception doesn't wash.

What is particularly irksome is the feds invoking the old "we must protect our children" defense (always invoked by anti-sex individuals when something they don't want to hear or deal with about sex is raised for public debate). But children, presumably, aren't having sex, right? It's illegal for minors to have sex. Birth control is supposed to be for adults. So (and although we know kids ARE having sex AND using contraceptives), imagine if we set this same standard on all products for adult use only. For example: with so many 16 and 17 year old drivers who cause or die in car crashes, should people over 18 be prevented from driving too? why is alcohol available when teen drinking is such a problem? What if the standard for issuing drivers licenses to people over 21 were determined by the behaviors of teen-age drivers or people who drive without licenses? I think that there has to be some reasonable expectation that a product created for adult use will be used by adults. As the FDA official points out, refusing to okay a drug for adults because of its possible consequences should teens use it is a preposterous standard. Of course, I don't believe it really is a standard: I believe it's just an excuse to prevent adults from engaging in activity that some conservative Christians (notably our President and his band of zealots) don't like. (And please note I say SOME--I know darn well there are a lot of Christians out there who are just as appalled by such shenanigans as I am.)

STAFF SCIENTISTS REJECT FDA'S PLAN B REASONING

http://snipurl.com/76c9

Just days before the Food and Drug Administration rejected an application
to make the emergency contraceptive Plan B available without a
prescription, top agency scientists dismissed the reasoning that was used
to justify the rejection as unfounded, internal agency documents reveal.

The documents, which contain the scientific conclusions of three separate
levels of FDA reviewers, show that the scientists disagreed in particular
with the contention that there was not enough information to assess how
easier availability of the drug would affect the sexual behavior of young
teenagers. That was the primary reason given for the FDA's dismissal of the
application as "non-approvable."

One top official wrote that by raising the issue of teenage use, former
commissioner Mark B. McClellan and Center for Drug Evaluation and Research
acting Director Steven K. Galson appeared to be introducing a different
standard for evaluating Plan B than the FDA had applied to other
contraceptives.

(from The Washington Post (Registration Required))

June 18, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

I am NOT letting my mini-poodle (that's Miss Venus Brame, to you) read this. She already has a faux fur coat, two hand-knit sweaters, and a biker jacket. I wouldn't want to spoil her.....

German Dogs Get Their Own Lederhosen

June 17, 2004 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Now if only Hillary Clinton had had access to this new discovery! Scientists Find Gene Cure for Cheating Lover Voles

"LONDON (Reuters) - What would you give for a simple injection that would stop your lover from cheating? Well, at least it works for meadow voles. A single gene inserted into the brain can change promiscuous male rodents into faithful, monogamous partners, scientists said Wednesday."

You'll need to subscribe (free), but there's much better reporting on this story in the L.A. Times.

Some snippets:

"The results suggest that "a mutation in a single gene can have a profound impact on complex social behavior," said Larry Young, a neuroscientist at Emory University who reports the results in the current issue of the journal Nature.

"The research, Young said, could help shed light on monogamy — a rare social behavior — and hints that perhaps specific genes could play a role in human relationships.

"But don't expect gene therapy for human swingers.

"This is not something that we should be playing around with," Young said."

The LA Times piece also offered this intriguing fact: "Fewer than 5% of mammals are monogamous."

June 17, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Women who have difficulty feeling turned on or achieving orgasms, take heart. Proctor & Gamble has had success in clinical trials with a new testosterone skin patch for women. The patch is called Intrinsia and will be welcome news to baby boomers whose libido will likely decline during menopause.

.

June 16, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

The Woodhull Freedom Foundation is one of my favorite sex-positive activist groups. This press release popped up in my email recently. It details a new joint initiative with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force to look into antiquated sex laws still on the books in various states. If you'd like to donate to their cause, visit the Woodhull Freedom Foundation.

********************

MEDIA CONTACTS:
NGLTF Communications Department
media@ngltf.org
(323) 857-8751

Woodhull Freedom Foundation
media@woodhullfoundation.org
Judy Guerin (202) 494-9555 or
Jeff Montgomery (313) 506-1847

NATIONAL GAY AND LESBIAN TASK FORCE AND WOODHULL FREEDOM FOUNDATION ANNOUNCE JOINT EFFORT STUDY OF U.S. SEX LAWS

May 28, 2004, Washington, D.C. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (the Task Force) and the Woodhull Freedom Foundation and Federation (WFF) today announced the launch of a joint project to analyze sex laws throughout the U.S. The project will serve a dual purpose – to educate Americans about the prevalence and abuse of antiquated and unjust sex laws in the nation, and to give grassroots activists policy and organizing tools to work to change these laws.

“This project will be a significant step toward eliminating unjust laws that are used almost exclusively for the purpose of persecuting minorities,” said Dr. Mary Frances Berry, Chair of the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights and WFF board member. “Most Americans are unaware of the sex laws in this country and how those laws are used to selectively persecute individuals simply for their private and consensual sexual expression. We believe that once people are educated on these issues, they will demand change.”

The laws which the project will address range from the archaic – like Michigan’s law prohibiting unmarried people from having sex and living together – to the grossly unjust – like Kansas’ differing age of consent laws based on the gender of the persons involved – to those addressing facially valid public policy concerns – like laws against public lewdness, but which are routinely misused to persecute and prosecute people who participate in non-traditional forms of sexual expression.

“I’ve seen firsthand how the misuse of these laws has ruined the lives of gay and bisexual men,” said Matt Foreman, the Task Force’s Executive Director. “Few victims of this abuse ever come forward for fear of further embarrassment and the system counts on this silence. We intend to shine some light on these shameful practices.” Foreman served as Executive Director of the New York City Gay & Lesbian Anti-Violence Project, the nation’s largest gay victim assistance agency, from 1990-1996, and is a member of the New York City Human Rights Commission.

MORE

The project will have two phases. The first, a study of the laws with and case studies of how the laws have been selectively used to target minorities will be released at the Task Force’s 17th Annual Creating Change Conference in St. Louis, Missouri, November 11-14. The second phase will include policy analysis, recommendations, and strategies for grassroots activists to use in overturning the laws or changing the way in which they are enforced.

END

Founded in 1973, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force was the first national lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) civil rights and advocacy organization and remains the movement's leading voice for freedom, justice, and equality. We work to build the grassroots political strength of our community by training state and local activists and leaders and organizing broad-based campaigns to defeat anti-LGBT referenda and advance pro-LGBT legislation. Our Policy Institute, the community's premiere think tank, provides research and policy analysis to support the struggle for complete equality. As part of a broader social justice movement, we work to create a world that respects and makes visible the diversity of human expression and identity where all people may fully participate in society. Headquartered in Washington, DC, we also have offices in New York City, Los Angeles, and Cambridge.

The Woodhull Freedom Foundation is devoted to education and public advocacy in support of the proposition that safe and consensual sexual expression is a fundamental human right. Based in Washington, DC, WFF brings together experienced, successful sexual freedom activists who seek to eliminate the barriers, governmental and private, to expressions of human sexuality in the United States and around the world. Helping to mobilize diverse grassroots communities, WFF utilizes lobbying, outreach, and education to help change antiquated and unjust sex laws. WFF supports civil liberties, emphasizing issues of sexual expression, sexual orientation, gender and racial discrimination.

June 15, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

This is a curious (and too short) article about five Saudi sisters who are all undergoing sex change operations. It makes one realize how very little we still understand about sex, genetics, and transsexualism. Boy, I'd give anything to study these girls.

June 15, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Back in the 90s, there was a lot of speculation about technodildonics--in a nutshell, using technology and techno-gadgetry to deliver sexual sensations--including whether it would one day be possible to mentally direct technology for the sake of sexual pleasure. The discussion focused largely on AI experiments and intuitive technology (i.e., smart machines). The idea was that one could then either indulge privately, with devices and specialized programs (such as gamers use); or connect to the Internet for interactive stimulation.

While the debate's never entirely ended it has faded somewhat into obscurity. But with the remarkable new development announced today, that scientists have been able to prove that Patients Control Video with Thought Alone, the possibility of future techno-sex can and should be reconsidered. If people can control video games with their thoughts alone, what are the implications for ultimately controlling machines designed for sexual stimulation? The "dildo" in technodildonics references the idea of a super-smart dildo which can be remotely controlled. Imagine if your dildo could be controlled by the power of youa mind. And, oh my: imagine if your dildo could be controlled by the power of someone else's mind. SWEET.

June 15, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Well, the article in the Washington Post came out. I'm kind of speechless.

Sex Therapy On Call (washingtonpost.com)

From the article:

"Michael has received sex therapy at the top of a mountain. He's also had counseling outside his Silicon Valley apartment and in the parking lot of a nearby airport. In each of these locations and many others, he speaks from the privacy of his car. There, he feels he can be more frank with sexologist Gloria Brame than he could inside a therapist's office.

"According to Michael, the unconventional character of the sessions has been the critical factor in helping him face his problems. (Because of the personal nature of his therapy, Michael agreed to be interviewed for this story only on the condition that his full name not be published.) Inside his car, the 27-year-old said, he has confronted his desire to seek out sadomasochistic relationships, something he couldn't put into words a year ago. Then, the end of a relationship left him worried about his needs and his ability to meet them. Anxious for reassurance and guidance from someone knowledgeable about kink culture, he picked Brame after stumbling onto an online reference to one of her books on the subject. He said Brame (dubbed "the Dr. Albert Einstein of kinky sex" by one sex educator) has helped him address some of his body image issues as well. "

***********
(Thanks, Michael! I owe ya *g*)

June 15, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

People in the adult and porn industries take heed. Mainstream financial services don't want your business. According to this story in Wired, credit card companies are increasingly refusing to do business with adult sites. One of the companies particularly in for a rough time is that bastion of pervy personals, bondage.com.

From the article: "This month is going to be a big pain in the harness for Bondage.com. The company that processes its credit card payments is pulling out of the adult online business, leaving the site to scramble for alternative ways to accept money."

"The first big blow came last year, when PayPal decided to stop helping adult sites do business, leaving customers without easy ways to pay for access through checking accounts. Then, last month, major credit-processing company Cardservice International told clients that it would stop supporting the industry as of late June. Now, webmasters worry that Visa will follow the lead of American Express, which left the business in 2000.

(Thanks to Paul for sending me this link!)

June 14, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (5)

Study finds no link between money, sex

from the article:

"This was the first effort to study 'econometric happiness equations in which sexual activity is an independent variable'. 'The paper finds that sexual activity enters strongly positively in happiness equations,' the economists wrote. 'Greater income does not buy more sex, nor more sexual partners. The typical American has sexual intercourse two to three times a month.'

The report found 'no statistically significant correlation' between levels of income and sexual activity. 'Money does not buy more sexual partners.'"

------------
Hang on...The average American has sex only 2-3 times a month?? No wonder there's so much violence in this country.

June 14, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

The message boards seem to be getting a tad unstable these days. For the moment, they are down, although early this morning they were looking just fine. It's like having an erectile dysfunction problem. It's getting so I never feel I can promise I'll be up when you need it.

Final word from PayPal: NO! Their letter of explanatation lacked one element--the explanation. Despite many many email appeals and polite phonecalls, despite confusion on the part of the customer reps as to why I was shut down in the first place, and some vague assurances they felt confident my account would be restored, headquarters (or whomever generates their mail) sent me a standard format letter. According to their policies, they don't owe anyone an explanation and reserve the right to terminate your account at any time for any reason without justifying their rationale. I am left, then, to believe in the only explanation that makes sense. I am TOO SEXY for PayPal! Yeah, baby!

Ah, well: it was a great service while it lasted. In surfing the Net in search of some background info on them (and possibly a phone number that might lead me to a live human instead of their perfectly Byzantine voicemail, with six options that lead you to dozens more options--none of which include "appealing our unfair business practices"), I discovered a range of anti-PayPal websites. Among them, the snarky paypalsucks.com, the alarming paypalwarning.com, and the businesslike consumeraffairs.com. They were all quite educational, in a depressing sort of way. Some people have had truly nightmarish experiences with the company.

I am pursuing two options right now. Both of them are, actually, better for my clients than PayPal, albeit a bit more costly on my end. By day's end, I will make a final decision on which way to go. Either way, I will take this as a blessing in disguise (quite a disguise too--PayPal still has about $400 of mine frozen in the account. argh).

In better news, my knee's finally healing. I am no longer walking like a one-legged pirate. I am now walking like a two-legged pirate. (If the poodle would sit on my shoulder and squawk, we might have an act.)

Back to my cancellation by PayPal (oh, indulge me this minor obsession with their unfair, tawdry business practices and their sneering disdain for earnest sexologists)...it's always surprising to discover that other people find me...what's the word....scandalous? controversial? WAY OUT THERE? (ok, that's three words, you caught me) . It's like when people suddenly pause, gaze meaningfully at me, then quietly comment, "You're really weird, you know that?" Me, WEIRD? Moi? To myself, I am the most normal person in the world! I just don't get it. I'm nice to small children and animals and respectful to the elderly. I brush my teeth twice a day, like a normal person. I put my pants on three legs at a time, just like everyone else. Really. I just don't get it. It's not like I'm visiting terrorist sites or advocating the overthrow of the government. I can't wait for Bush to hurry up and lose the next election, but doesn't that place me among the majority of Americans? What's so controversial about me, after all? That I am sexually uninhibited? That I admit to being sexually uninhibited on the Internet? That I say what I say without opting for an alias and put my face (or a photo thereof) next to my words? Because I think bad photo montages of Bush in leather are hilarious? Is it because we've all gotten so accustomed to right-wing media spins on not only politics but reality itself that when someone points out stuff everyone already knows (like the fact that abstinence-only education doesn't work; that sexual kinks are infinitely more common than publicly acknowledged; that the current administration is bad at ruling this country) it seems brave and shocking?

Enlighten me. Several of you have commented that it's no wonder PayPal cast me out like a pariah. What's so controversial about stating one's honest opinions? Aren't I just being a patriotic American when I do?

June 14, 2004 in Autobiographical Urges | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack

I just knew that if I waited long enough, there would be something I could publish here about Ronald Reagan. Thanks to his son, Ron, I can now report that Reagan had a lifelong penchant for earlobes.

Penchant or fetish? Fetish or penchant? You decide

June 13, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Too bad it's a museum and not a lending library....

Caption: "A visitor looks at Rasputin's penis displayed at the first Russian museum of erotica in St. Petersburg. The museum was founded by Igor Knyazkin, the chief of the prostate research center of the Russian Academy of Natural Sciences.(AFP/Interpress/Alexander Drozdov)"

June 13, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

For those of you who use online dating services, this article features sites which conduct polls on the relative value of using services such as eHarmony, Match.com, Lavalite and numerous other g-rated dating sites.

June 11, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

I seldom find the NY Times Quote of the day very inspiring, but the one for today was something I could really identify with...

QUOTATION OF THE DAY

"I can't tell you how many times I've seen grown men in tears."
STEPHEN NOWICKI, a Metropolitan Transportation Authority police officer, speaking of those who miss that last train out of Grand Central.

June 11, 2004 in Post-Modern Pop Culture | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Now, this priest--who advocates the end of celibacy for Catholic clergy--really has balls. And he's used them too.

Porn or Confession? Priest Tells All

June 11, 2004 in Religion, Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Thanks to you all for sharing my pain and encouraging me to suffer for the sake of my art. Must I write? I must write!

In the good news category, the Boards sprang back magically to life and has been reliable ever since.

In the bad news category, I've been surfing around looking for alternatives to PayPal and, so far, the alternatives look bleak. The two that look most interesting are Yahoo Direct Pay and ProPay.Com. (Anyone out there ever try using them?) Still, PayPal's terms really have them all beat. And so I wait to hear from them. Contrary to the assurances I received from customer service and the lady in compliance, PayPal did not notify me of their decision within 24 hours. It's about 36 hours, and I still haven't heard from them. However, their feedback department sent me a customer satisfaction survey to complete so I can let them know if I was happy with the phone experience I recently enjoyed with the customer service rep. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............................

From comments posted to my last whine about being closed down, I understand that my chances of pursuading them to reactivate my account are slim and nil. Yet...I wait. Patiently. Meditatively. With the Zen-like calm of the doomed who sense in their heart that they are going to a better place. Perhaps, in my case, a non-PayPal place. Ommmmmmmmmmmm.

June 10, 2004 in Autobiographical Urges | Permalink | Comments (3)

Jail Offers Violent Inmates Aromatherapy

June 9, 2004 in Post-Modern Pop Culture | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

on me, it goes really really bad.

First, a heads-up to folks who visit my message boards: it looks like the server for that site (hosted by http://master.com ) is having mega problems. I haven't been able to access the boards today, and a trip to master.com tells me their whole operation must have crashed. Eep. Hopefully it will be back on-line by the end of the day.

Next, I got a notice from PayPal yesterday advising me they've closed my account. Why? Well, as best I can tell for the moment, it's largely because I'm an SM'er. Seriously. I don't sell "adult services" (unless you consider marriage counseling and sex therapy an "adult service"); I don't even buy adult stuff with PayPal (now that they no longer allow the sale of same on eBay). Their email notice was decidedly uninformative. I called and spoke with a rep in their compliance division and she couldn't shed any light on the situation. I invited her to review content on my site, and she assured herself I don't sell any x-rated material (the chief reason PayPal will shut you down), so she was as confused as I was by the action.

Now I'm in limbo, having appealed the decision, and await a reply from their compliance department. I'm going to look into alternatives--like opening a merchants account for my practice so I can take credit cards directly (and securely) but frankly...I want my PayPal! It's hard to imagine life without it.l How will I buy all those eBay bargain plants for my garden? All the hand-knit doggie sweaters for the poodle? Most important...what am I going to tell clients: "Sorry, no therapy this week because PayPal thinks I'm a pervert who is secretly selling you perverted information"? Dear me.

At times like this, it's either freak-out or sit back and breathe deeply. I think I'll opt for the latter. *This too shall pass. Ommmmm*

Then there's the third option: getting all mystical and fuzzy-wuzzy about it. Maybe this is a signal that I should take some vacation time? Maybe the heavens want me to get back to writing? I haven't written anything substantive for a LONG time, splitting my time mainly between therapy and writing-for-hire these past six months. I have a screenplay and a novel both on hold. Is now the time to focus on those projects?

June 9, 2004 in Autobiographical Urges | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBack

Today's New York Times features an interesting article on the Church's efforts to update their attitudes on sex in The New York Times >Spreading the Pope's Message of Sexuality and a Willing Spirit

from the article
"American Catholics are perhaps better known for flouting church doctrine when it comes to contraception, premarital sex, divorce and remarriage. But in recent years, a rising number of theology of the body conferences, retreats, study groups, seminars and lectures indicate a growing interest in trying to reconcile sexual practices with religion, organizers of the gatherings say."

June 7, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

This book review in the Times, 'The Candy Men': Biography of a Dirty Novel caught my eye, partly because of the subject--the strange old novel, "Candy," one of the first porn novels to make a mainstream splash, but also because it brought back fond old memories.

During my mid-teens, and full of poetic ambitions, I would casually bid goodbye to my parents in Brooklyn, saying I was going to visit a friend nearby, and would slyly head for the subway and travel into the city instead, clutching the listings of poetry readings I'd torn from the old Village Voice. I attended some very strange, and occasionally exciting, off-beat events during the late 60s and early 70s. One place I could always count on to generate something strange was a place called Dr. Generosity's Poetry Pub. It was in another part of the world for a girl from Brooklyn: all the way on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, a neighborhood I knew only for the Yorkville thrift shops and Museum Mile on 5th Avenue. Dr. Generosity's was a typical old New York neighborhood pub, with thick burgers and big mugs of beer. It wasn't the food which drew me (in those days, I could seldom afford a burger--I'd scratch up enough for a coke or two to justify my seat at a table) but the poetry readings and music performances. You were as likely to see a famous Beat poet as the singer Odessa, and I went there as often as I could think up creative lies to tell my parents--which, in my teens, was pretty darn often.

One poet who seemed to spend a lot of time there, reading or drinking at a back table, was the poet Gregory Corso. Now and then, I'd see Allen Ginsberg with him, and when Allen was there, a small entourage of strange people was always around them. Once I'd even managed to attach myself to them for a long strange night of bar hopping that included a few bleary hours at the old Max's Kansas City, where the NY Dolls were playing.

Now, I'd be hard-pressed to say I was dazzled by the beats and their companions--a motley crew of down and out homosexuals, bisexuals, transsexuals, and drug addicts (with lots of overlap). They were not what you'd call "Beautiful People," not rich nor glamorous. But they were poets and artists and to me, at the time, seemed to live the life, and write the work, that I wished one day to know and create. So I followed them around that night, in a daze of hunger to be as seemingly free, unconventional, and wholly unsprung from limits as they did. There was hell to pay, of course,when I finally got back to Brooklyn that night, but I didn't care. For an evening, I'd gotten to pretend I was a poet!

Naturally, none of the writers I encountered really noticed me. There were so many hangers on coming and going. I was just another lonely oddball kid who drifted through a couple of times, barely making an impression. When I finally spent some time talking to Ginsberg, many years later, he didn't remember me in the least, and was surprised and touched when I described the various encounters we'd had which obviously meant so much to me. Same same for Gregory Corso. I'd bumped into him any number of times; in fact, one night when he was reading, he sat down at my table at the end, and proceeded to try and convince me to accompany him to the roof of the building where we could fuck the night away. It was an offer I might have considered more seriously if he was not so utterly drunk he could barely stand, and if the hot stinking breath from his boozy mouth didn't blast me into nausea with each new proposition. I loved him anyway because I loved his words, his poetry (and still do); but I didn't love him enough to go with him to that roof.

It was at a reading at Dr. Generosity's one Sunday that a whole slew of bohemian brothers, including Ginsberg, sat in the audience. And, again, I somehow managed to linger at the edge of the group long enough to get invited to join them. This time, I sat next to one of the strangest people I had, at that tender age, ever seen. He was full of strange tics and quirks. He was at once elfin and perverse, old and young, drunk and sober, serious and mad. He was clearly a whole lot older than me; and perhaps because of that he was also much kinder than anyone in that circle had ever been. Mostly, until then, any attention I may have gotten had more to do with my big tits than my poetic dreams. And, indeed, I think things were starting to move in the direction of my tits, as someone at the table (it was over 30 years ago so I can't remember now if it was Corso or one of the hangers on) were again trying to exhort me to take off for some sordid sexual adventure.

This time, I must've been more receptive. Or at least, I must've seemed receptive. Because the strange, kind man I'd been talking to, suddenly leaned in very close to me and said, very tenderly, "You shouldn't be here. We're all drug addicts. You'll get a venereal disease. There's nothing good for you here. You're young. Don't stick around with us. You'll end up like us. Find better people."

The man was Mason Hoffenberg.

His advice had come just at the right moment, when I might well have taken a wrong turn. In later years, I would think of him gratefully. I stopped going to those readings, and started college, and got lost in adventures of my own making, no longer as a hanger-on but as the central character in my own life's dramas.

I never saw him again but many, many years later, I did see Corso: this time, on a street corner in Greenwich Village, just before he kicked his own addiction to heroin. Naturally, he didn't have a clue who I was, but was pleased when I asked about Hoffenberg. He told me then that Hoffenberg had moved in with his daughter, was ailing with cancer (Corso called it "the big C"). That was in the 1980s. I don't know what happened to him but it was sweet to see his name today in the Times. All I could think was "Good Grief!"

Bless you Mr. Hoffenberg, wherever you are. I've linked to "The Candy Men" on the left, in case you'd like to pick up a copy at Amazon. It was written by Nile Southern, Terry Southern's son.

June 5, 2004 in Autobiographical Urges, Books | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

In Sweden, nobody seems to be stopping anybody from having sex. In fact, you can have condoms delivered to you at home whenever you are in the mood.

Ja!!

June 4, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Jane Brody, health maven for the NY Times, takes on the effectiveness of abstinence-only sex ed in Abstinence-Only: Does It Work?

From the article: "In this fiscal year, the government is spending $140 million on this approach, and President Bush is asking for $273 million for fiscal 2005. "

$273 million to teach people how not to have sex? We just spent that much on the Starr Commission so we could teach Clinton not to have sex. This almost seems like a bargain!

June 4, 2004 in Science, Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

..it's hell to listen to others getting plenty. Or at least that's what I suspect that's what really motivated a Swedish woman to complain to government officials about the noisy fuckers who live next door.

"The woman, who was not identified, complained that the lovemaking usually starts around 10 p.m. and lasts well past midnight, sometimes to 1 a.m., Persson said. According to a copy of her complaint, she said the lovers' efforts have left her with tense headaches, cramps and heartburn."

She should've taken her complaint to a sexologist for an easy solution: take two vibrators and call me sweetheart in the morning.

June 4, 2004 in Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

You can always count on the New York Post to publish the world's creepiest stories.

Could it be because the creepiest things happen in New York?

June 1, 2004 in Post-Modern Pop Culture | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack