Ms. Brame,I happen to be a moderate aged transsexual woman (over 30... so I am not a spring chicken anymore, on hormone replacement therapy for over six years) and I wonder if you know of any good resources for sex dealing with a person who is in my position. There are a great number of resources for both women and men both heterosexual and homosexual. But things are a little sketchy in the transsexual department.
I find in my own experience that my body can't be expected to react in the typical manners I was once accustomed when I was living as a boy, but I do not believe its really typical of a woman of my own age either... but perhaps it might be something somewhat different, or a combination of the two. There isn't exactly a 'Joy Of Transsexual Sex' to look into and it would have to deal with not just transsexual women but also transsexual men which can make for quite a large subject including that it would have to cover the whole pansexualness within our community as we can be straight/gay/bi/kinky just like the nontranssexual community (though its been hinted the percentages are quite a bit different).
So if there are any resources you could point me (and others too) or if there are any studies you know of being worked on in this realm it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Miss S.
Dear Miss S.,
I am sorry to report that, to the best of my knowledge, there are very few (if any) resources which deal with the issue you've raised. It's shocking, and a sad statement on TS studies, but thus far no one has really delved into how to cope with the sexual dimensions of living in a post-op body, much less written a "Joy of Sex" style book to assist TS's coping with the new sensations and feelings.
A quick search on Amazon yielded only one title (Sex And The Single Transsexual by Pamela Hayes) that is specific to this subject--and this book is a novel, not a helpful manual. Similarly, searching on Google turns up information that would be enormously helpful to someone who is considering surgery or who is dealing with the medical, legal, and social aspects of being TS, yet offers almost nothing on the sexual issues that MTF and FTM both face post-surgery. Moreover, so much of what's out there is so academic (sociological or anthropological studies) that I can't imagine it makes for really fascinating reading for the adverage person.
I agree with you that books that assume your body functions the same as biological women or men (gay or straight) will not address all your concerns. While MTFs have more realistic appearing genitalia than FTMs, they are not exactly like biological female genitalia and cannot be expected to respond exactly the same way. My guess is that everything from libido, to actual sensations (whether to genitals, nipples or other areas) undergo some degree of transformation as a result of the surgeries and hormone treatments.
So--what to do? Your options, I think, are first to seek out information/advice from peers. If you don't already have one, perhaps you might find an FTM who's already gone through this phase of adjustment and would be willing to share her experiences, warn you of pitfalls, and fill you in on any tricks or techniques to improve your sexual performance and pleasure. As is often the case with sexual minorities, we often can learn a lot more from our peers than from academics. Knowing a person has dealt with the same issues, found answers to the questions you have, and is sympathetic to what you're going through would probably be a source of comfort.
If a peer relationship isn't possible, another option is to find a counselor/therapist who has a solid record of working with MTFs and is aware both of the physiology of post-op MTF and comfortable offering you candid, practical advice on your sex-life.
Meanwhile, have you considered adopting this as a cause--possibly starting up a website devoted to the subject or even writing a book about it yourself? We definitely need more dialogue on this subject! I am so disturbed by the dearth of literature on this, and so sorry that I cannot offer you some worthwhile resources, I'm tempted to try and write about it myself. But I make no claim to be an expert in all aspects of transsexualism, so think that work would be far better done by someone like you, who has lived through it.
best,
Gloria
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