-- I was on the panels of judges for uncontested contests this year, along with Hardy Haberman, Kali Ward, Lenny Earl, and the Head Judge, Victoria Gayton. The shortfall of contestants was in part a comment on the economy (winning a contest always entails burdensome expenses). But I've heard activists all over N. America talk about a flagging interest in leather contests. Explanations range from changing demographics (not too many young professionals can make the time commitment) to new generations of kinksters being less interested in activism and more interested in fun. So, the judging boiled down to determining if the candidates deserved a sash on their own merits v. in competition with peers. There were two fine candidates and then some last-minute entrants who, IMO, were completely unprepared on every level to represent the SM/leather communities. What really got me was catching them in a lie about their time in the Scene. If you can't remember how long you've been in the Scene, say so: making up phony dates to look like you're super-experienced only works on gullible Internet dweebs. Call me a bitch (as I'm sure they later did), but once someone lies to me, I can't trust anything else they say. The other two candidates did us proud and will go on to rep the Southeast at other events -- congrats to Ms. Southeast Leather, Miss Bettie, and to Southeast Bootblack, Girl Commando.

-- Not that I wasn't happy enough just to see familiar faces and catch up, but I got to meet a bunch of people I'd only known by reputation, and was delighted to find out they were even cooler in person than in pixel. Hardy, Kali, Steve Hagen, Ray Castro, it was an honor putting faces to your names. Additionally, met a bunch of people who'd corresponded with me in the past and was so pleasantly surprised by how lovely they were in person; bumped into some beloved clients (who must remain nameless, but ooh, got to see them in their fetish gear! so edgy!); and caught up with some wonderful folks I hadn't seen in years (kiss kiss to Adrian and RedWitch), and even met a few new hotties (you're at the top of the list, Eric). :) I know I've left a ton of names out, so forgive me or better still remind me, and I'll give you a shout-out too.

-- In retrospect, I realize that the female to male ratio at this event was, well, redonkulous! Redonkulously weighted, that is, in women's favor. A far cry from the mid-80s when you'd look out over a sea of submissive men at events and clubs, with only a tiny handful of femdoms and perhaps a few femsubs being led around by their masters. There were dozens of femdoms at SELF, tons of them in permanent relationships with their subs/bottoms/bois, more non-pros than pros too. WOW. And I couldn't even count all the femsubs. Also impressive in number were the transmen (including some who I last saw before transition and now passed in the halls, positive they were gender males -- they looked THAT GOOD). It was the coolest, most eclectic mix ever and I loved the blast of estrogenic energy throbbing throughout the event. Of course, where femsubs are, so too are many fine maledoms, and it was inspiring to see so many happily partnered couples, poly people, and leather families.

-- All I can say is THANK GOD about this one: it was the most diva-free event I've ever attended. Considering that some of the women who organized the event ARE bona fide BDSM divas (including my buddies Lady Catherine and Victoria), this was a delicious surprise. See, there's good diva and bad diva: the good diva is the gracious lady who has earned respect through accomplishment and generosity to the Community, who accepts the worship and love and service as her due but without attitude or rudeness, and who demonstrates through deed, not just word, that she is IN CONTROL -- not just of others but most especially of herself. The bad diva is usually the one with a ridiculously hi-falutin monicker, and who has not earned a thing; more likely, she's faked her way in or used others to create her reputation for her, and believes the community exists for her profit. You can almost always count on the bad diva to create drama, to snub or otherwise insult people, and generally act more like a wicked witch than a divine bitch. One bad diva can destroy the soul of an event. So kudos to SELF organizers for pulling off one of the most relaxed, down-home, diva-free events I've ever attended.

Now for some "moments"....

At the local Starbuck's with Ketzl. Forgot to remove my conference badge.

The java slinger notices. "Oh, are you at that Holiday Inn thing? What kind of convention is it?"

"Leather," I smiled.

"Oh." Pregnant pause. "Are you a tanner?"

Um Um Um...

"No, no. BDSM leather." Noting his growing embarrassment, I added. "Basically, it's a big bunch of perverts having a party."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," he said, glancing down, bright red now. "That's cool."

The low-point of the weekend happened just after my class on Sunday. I had noticed at one point that some couples walked out but just assumed they had something else to do, and didn't take it personally. I should have. I was later confronted by a distraught woman who told me that I had deeply hurt their feelings (!). During class, a couple of femdoms in the audience raised the issue of dealing with maledoms who treat them disrespectfully. Complaints centered on maledoms who treat femdoms as if underneath their femdom'ly exteriors they are actually subs in denial -- based on the sexist assumption that all women are, by nature, submissive. This opened a dialogue about sexism in the Scene, and how seldom it is discussed. For a community which celebrates diversity, is anti-racist, size-positive, gay/lesbian-friendly, and generally holds important humanistic values overall, sexism IMO absolutely remains our dirty secret.

I attributed much of the sexism to the possibility that the maledoms are uncomfortable in their own shoes, possibly question their own dominance, and need to see women as inferior or submissive in order to boost themselves: typical bully mentality, where it's always the cowards who try to pick on people they perceive as weaker or less socially empowered. One femdom who works as a pro made the point that she's had plenty of visits from guys who, in public, pretend to be all dom, all the time, then swear her to secrecy when they come in for sessions. Since I've always pretty much believed that the people most likely to be homophobic are latent homosexuals, and the people most likely to be anti-trans must have their own gender issues going on, I tend to believe that, indeed, the maledoms most likely to treat femdoms like subs-in-denial are likely torn on the inside about their own hunger to submit to a powerful woman. Couldn't help pointing out that I live with a maledom who has NEVER had a problem accepting that some women are truly dom-by-nature. Actually his POV, more accurately, is that while society has tried to beat women into social slavery through conditioning, there are nonetheless some of us who were just so dominant we overcame the rotten system through sheer dint of our indomitable willpower! Aw, yeah, there's lots of reasons I love my man. :)

UNFORTUNATELY, as I bloviated about this during class, I opened the question to what I *thought* were cross-dressers sitting with their Mistresses, assuming that, like most of the TV's I've known, they'd be particularly sensitive and insightful about what bullying fools some men can be -- TV's often possessing that extra perspective on masculinity from their own experience of embracing both male and female within themselves. But DUH. They weren't submissive cross-dressers at all: they were MTF Transsexuals, who felt no identity with men and were hurt that I treated them as such. As their rep explained, her friends were and had always felt like females and my singling them out as males felt like a slap in the face.

Oy. So they were the ones who walked out on me, in anger as it turned out. Agh. I felt like crap about it. Hope my apology to their representative helped make amends. But since there's nothing like a public apology, this is mine: real sorry, ladies. Totally my bad.

There was a Friday night "CarnalVal" with various booths set up. You bought your tix at a main table, then spent them on a wide range of silliness in support of various good causes. I was tempted to jump on the bootblack service (love a good boot shine, oh yes I do) but then remembered that under my sexy dress that night...was nothing but my sexy naked body. Had I hopped on a bench, the whole world could've had a glimpse of Gloria Brame as they'd never seen her. Naturally, Ketzl, the shit-disturber, thought this was a wonderful idea and wished I'd air my hoo-ha to the group but, what can I say, I have a more personal relationship with my thighs and didn't really find the idea overly appealing.

Later I paid Ketzl back for her gleeful impertinence by making her "Ride the Thunder," i.e., compete at a booth where you got to spin a wheel of fortune when you successfully "covered the boob" (don't ask). When the wheel landed on number 17, I got to deliver a nice refreshing SHOCK of electricity to Ketzl. Ha ha. A dom must always get her revenge.

Ketzl did well at the "cock toss" but I can't remember if there was any kind of a prize for her skill in throwing a dildo through a vagina-shaped hole. It was funny, though. Note: she handled that dildo like a pro. And I do mean a pro.

We didn't get to use the dungeons as I'd hoped, in part cuz Ketzl was somewhat out of commission but also because I didn't see a space available that felt right to me. There were two big dungeon rooms, which were reasonably private (had doors, that is) but already reasonably busy. In one, someone was doing a bullwhip scene which essentially took up most of the space. The third space was the lobby connecting the various ballrooms. Though I'm not exactly shy or inhibited, I confess that the lobby thing did not work for me. Just too wide open, lacking in intimacy, too many people drifting around the bondage/play stations. My personal preference is a station where you can safely stow your stash (not having to worry if a passerby will help him or herself to one of your toys), and can create an illusion of privacy, with voyeurs kept at some minimum safe distance so your scene can't be interrupted or otherwise disturbed should they sneeze or trip over your junk as they wander through.

However, there was a charmingly basic little room off to the side where a private femdom group was hosting a fund-raiser called "Spanked Tails." Since we had a few tix left over, it made sense to spend them here. I offered up Ketzl to the spank-mistress in attendance. As she probed for some possible scenario to enhance the festivities (asking Ketzl, "were you a bad girl?") and since Ketzl is, by nature, a spunky brat who wasn't about to help a top along, I chimed in with some fodder.

"She masturbates all the time!" I exclaimed as Ketzl turned pink and began giggling maniacally. "Not only that -- but you know those motorized toothbrushes? The kind you're supposed to use on your TEETH? You know where my naughty girl uses them??"

That was all it took. The room burst out in loud expressions of shock and Ketzl was hoisted on the bench for a very sound spanking that left her thoroughly red and even very lightly bruised for a few hours.

Payback's a bitch..and so, of course, am I.

And speaking of bitchiness...

Mouthing off about something or other, and Victoria responding in kind, Mistress Kali choked with laughter, and expressed amazement at how unapologetically bitchy we were.

"You know honey," I joked, putting my arm around her shoulder. "Men don't like us because we're NICE."

Just got an email from Kali a little while ago, thanking me for the lessons in bitchery. Hilarious.

Finally, just a happy note about Saturday night. Got to spend a few hours totally partying it up in our room with the coolest little group of people. Oh my, it was merry. And my Ketzl got to get in some foot-worship on one of the hunkiest maledoms at the event. A pleasure to watch her and his sub wiggle and writhe with joy over his masterly feet (while wriggling and writhing against each other too). As I'm partial to foot worship myself, and always love to see sexy pervs having fun, it added a certain luster to the atmosphere, if you know what I mean. Also was totally delighted by the lovely Kali, who was sweetly affectionate. Did I mention she is a true beauty? She put a bright twinkle in my typically heterosexual eyes, I must say. The coup de grace was grabbing a sweet submissive man of my (formerly email only) acquaintance in the lobby and dragging him off with us to satisfy our late-night munchie attack. He turned out to be a truly delightful gentleman, and the next day when I saw him obediently trotting after Kali, carrying her bags, he looked sublimely happy. Ah, yeah, it was all good.

June 16, 2008 in Autobiographical Urges, Sex and Sadomasochism | Permalink

Your Comments

"partying it up in our room"?

Oh, oh, oh no. Ketzl claimed that a meeting ran too long on Saturday, and *that's* why I didn't see you in the dungeon.

She needs to be punished for that. ;-)

Posted by: T-Rex at Jun 16, 2008 8:38:19 PM

---

I kept seeing you and Ketzl all weekend, but wasn't too sure you would remember meeting me way back when at a sunday brunch with T-Rex. Glad you had fun.

Posted by: Jay at Jun 16, 2008 10:21:34 PM

---

T-Rex, I will inform the girl's Master of her shocking fib! tsk, tsk! :)

Jay, I'm so sorry you didn't grab my arm. I definitely remember you from brunch at the Grit and would've been happy to chat.

Posted by: Gloria at Jun 16, 2008 11:08:39 PM

---

Gloria,

It was a blast serving as a judge with you. I can't help wondering how much trouble we could have gotten into had we had more time! Please stay in touch.

Posted by: Hardy at Jun 17, 2008 12:12:03 AM

---

So that's why those women walked out! We were standing outside the room packing up stuff when they left. Upon being asked if the class was over, one said 'It is for us'. Oops. Good seeing you, albeit briefly. Glad you enjoyed the con!

Posted by: Eagle at Jun 17, 2008 1:18:06 PM

---

Hardy, I loved meeting you so much! Hope we get to do it again soon.

Eagle, AGH, I forgot to mention how cool it was to see you and B. You both looked fantastic -- his Hunter S. Thompson look was the bomb, and your corset was *HOT*.
But *cringe* about those poor ladies I insulted. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Posted by: Gloria at Jun 17, 2008 1:51:47 PM

---

Gloria-
It was an honor to be in your class. And as one in your class I have to say if they are going to live life as a woman, then they need to get a tougher skin! I would love to hear more of your presentation sometime!

Still glowing from all that was going around at SELF!

Ms. E (the one in the pink shirt)

Posted by: Ms. E at Jun 17, 2008 10:14:51 PM

---

Awww, thanks E!!

What I really wish is that they had spoken up for themselves and challenged me. It would have given me the opportunity to apologize in person. It would've given them the opportunity to make an important point about transwomen. And, as you point out, if you want to be a femdom, you gotta have balls. So to speak :)

big hugs, hopes we meet again,
Gloria

Posted by: Gloria at Jun 17, 2008 11:38:59 PM

---

Post a comment

Name:

Email Address:

URL:

Remember personal info?

Comments: