I came across some vintage sewing patterns for men a few weeks ago and couldn't help wondering whether there's any link between ongoing homophobia in America and the fact that for a few dreadful decades, American women were dressing their sons and husbands like fruits. Holy crap in a cupcake, as if the polyester leisure suits weren't bad enough, the subtext here reminds me of Tom of Finland. Or at least of a morning-after at a gay dude ranch. If I was a straight man, being forced to wear some of these outfits could certainly make me question my manhood. And that's how I'm going to explain the success of Prop 8 to myself because I honestly can't think of a GOOD reason to deny gay Americans their civil rights.
Fashionistas may wish to look away: these could hurt your eyes.
Here are three from the 1950s. I think we already know that the guy lighting up is the muscle top; the one in the red swim ensemble is clenching his thighs in delight; and both are subtly cruising the ass on the one that got away.
OK, so sometimes a golf club is just a golf club. And sometimes it makes you wonder where his balls went. Especially when he's hanging out with pansies in pajamas. The guy in blue is perfect: hand on hips and wearing heels. No doubt gossiping with Daddy about the size of that club.
Men hanging out together in their underwear is hardly a sin. But why is the guy tearing off his shirt grinning hungrily at the crotch of the blond Daddy? And what's with the strange seams on the guy opening the medicine cabinet? Those shorts look like they're made to be worn with a diaper underneath. Or at least with snaps, so the seat can be lowered for fun-time.
One from the 1960s. Western shirts, vests and boots. What could be more macho than that? Except, possibly, cruising the twink with the red tie and flowery jeans? Yep, another ass that's getting away.
And two from the positively revolting 1970s.
One boy in a submissive pose. One blond twink in a short set. Looks like Mr. Orange Leisure Suit (with an ascot, no less) is having a tough time deciding who to ass-fuck first.
Not quite sure how one pattern will produce a fruity short set, a work-out suit, and bathrobe, but I do perceive a narrative structure in the image: the middle guy went cruising at the local ball-courts, picked up the guy on the left and then brought him home for a threeway with his freshly showered BFF.
So for all you guys who were psychologically damaged by the way your mothers dressed you -- grow up, wear black leather to feel better about yourselves, and support gay rights. Seriously.
Omg, that is too funny.. brings back some very bad memories of going to the fabric store with my mother... god I hated the fabric store with a passion. My mom sewed for all of us, creating matching ensembles that scarred my brother and I for life. And then there are the toxically loud shirts and ties she made for my dad... oh lordie.
Posted by: Kyle | Dec 01, 2008 at 01:07 PM