Inside Gloria's Mind

Happy New Year, everyone!

See you in 2009!  Hopefully I'll be keeping this smile through the new year.

photo: @Will Brame, 12/29/08

Womb with a view

sand formations inside Antelope Canyon
on the Navajo Reservation in Page, Ariz.

Guppies gone gay

Today I noticed that my "bachelor pad" tank -- so called because I've isolated three male guppies to ensure zero population growth -- has turned into a gay bar, ca. 1980.

Guppies are some of the horniest fish in the tank and when females are present, they are generally impregnated as often as their tiny little bodies can bear, and then some.  If you have more males than females in a tank, the constant mating and child-bearing will wear the females out until they literally die of exhaustion.  Rule of thumb to prevent your females from being fucked to death, therefore, is to keep it at a 2:1 female:male ratio. 

It's easy to do since female guppies are readily identifiable: shorter and less dramatic tails but more tellingly a tiny dark cloacal spot low on the belly to mark their girly parts.  The difficulty begins when you have to sort out of the endless streams of babies that guppies will gift to you, their bewildered (as in "wtf am I going to do with so many guppies?") owner.  If you don't isolate the sexes, you may soon find yourself awash in big-eyed babies.

One of our strategies for the newborn has been to feed the tiniest ones to Babaloo, our betta.   Since Ketzl is the main guppy-raiser, when the betta sees her approach the tank, he fans out his fins in joy and bobs up and down in the water, so excited is he to get something live to hunt and strike.  And though I enjoy his enthusiasm and his display of wild instincts, I still can't help feeling a little queasy about sentencing the live guppies to death by betta jaws.  Borne of rape, doomed to die, oh how sad. 

Recently, Ketzl fixed the male:female ratio in her tank to control the population, so Babaloo is making do with more store-bought food.  Meanwhile, I decided to take on some of the male babies and create a small bachelor environment for them.   They seem happy enough leading sexless lives, to judge by all the frolicking.  But as they've gotten older (they're now in fishy adolescence, I suppose -- not adult size but no longer tiny blobs whose eyes seem bigger than their bodies), and presumably hornier, they've pretty much made the choice a lot of prisoners make, reckoning that some sex is better than no sex, and accepting what's available rather than just dreaming about what is not.  A phenomenon known as deprivation homosexuality or situational homosexuality, when applied to our species.

They are flapping and seductively swishing those fancy tails around.  One of the boys, in particular, has been chasing after the largest fish, trying to corner him and wrap his tail around him, swimming up and down in the tank, and basically doing the whole crazy guppy mating dance. 

I suppose if I added a girl or two, they might revert to being the mindless, inexhaustible serial rapists that they are in nature.  But I really like the idea of owning gay fish.  The only thing cooler than that would be if there were tiny little chastity belts for these horndogs of the freshwater world.

Auto-erotic Lego-bator

Durex (for balloon fetishists?)

Here's an ad you probably won't see in US News and World Report....

FOUND: satanic dungeon furniture

on Boing Boing

Designing Away Cancer

A fabulous, amazing new technology with the potential to spare women from the agonies of breast cancer:

A woman is to give birth this week to the first baby in Britain which has been selected to be free of a gene which greatly increases the risk of breast cancer, experts said.

The 27-year-old woman, who wants to remain anonymous, decided to take the step because several of her husband's close female relatives suffered from breast cancer.

The baby grew from an embryo screened to make sure it did not contain the faulty BRCA 1 gene, which would have given it a 50 to 80 percent change of developing breast cancer.

British woman to deliver baby screened for breast cancer

Pretty incredibly great. One can only hope scientists will continue down this path and find more ways to lower the risk of cancer and other life-threatening diseases. Naturally, there's always got to be at least one group (and no doubt there will be more to come) who takes a stand against progress.

...one campaign group warned that such selection takes science "further along the line which ultimately ends in designer babies".

These irrational fears about genetic engineering stem from the antediluvian belief that it's wrong to tamper with "God's will."   Do they also believe that God wants some women to get cancer?  Makes me  wonder if these people also believe that trying to preserve the lives of women who develop breast cancer also contradicts God's will.

Ah, would that science could find the gene that causes stupidity. Then we wouldn't have groups like these going around trying to thwart human progress.

The harder they are, the bigger their cooperation

CIA agents are offering the potency drug Viagra and other gifts to win over Afghan warlords in the US-led war against Taliban insurgents, the Washington Post reported on Friday....

The aging chieftains often have up to four wives and are open to the Viagra pill as a way to "put them back in an authoritative position," said another official.

US offers Viagra to win over Afghan warlords: report

From my mailbox to you 2

From my mailbox to you

Spreading the joy, one perv at a time....

Scene in the Garden

(for Ketzl, who's away from home)

The culprit:

The innocent victim:

I let the pups out into the garden, where the weather's trying very hard to bump 60 but still feels 55 because of the dense cloud cover.  As I surveyed some beds I want to plant, I noticed that the kitten, Leaf, was crouching low to the ground, hiding behind the edge of a box, and watching Venus with rapt attention.  She was hunting her!  With predatory hunger, Leaf tensed and followed each of Venus's movements as the poodle leisurely picked her way back to the house. 

Muscles rippled under the kitten's tortoiseshell fur as she prepared to pounce, at least until she smelled something interesting in the bed and got lost sniffing (her attention span obviously needs some work).  But when Venus came within feet of her trap, she snapped back to it and sank down, ready for attack. 

When Venus turned the corner, Leaf went flying.  I was sure she was going to dig her claws into Venus's back and ride her (something she's done in the past, to Venus' consternation and Ketzl's gales of laughter).   I watched her lunge at Venus...but instead of the rude scrabble I was expecting, they bumped noses and nuzzled.  Despite a second's surprise, Venus wagged her tail at Leaf, shared another tiny kiss, and came inside as the kitten fled off to stalk other prey.

May the poodle lie down with the kitten in your homes too this holiday.

Kinky Nightstand pulp

An impromptu show of kinky cover art from  60s-era pulp fiction publisher, Nightstand.  Or, what people with BDSM fantasies read before the Internet. 

I love the kinky cover art (spread-eagle naked bondage on a book cover, nice!), but the copy on the back (last one) is even better.

Now, why don't people write like this anymore.

Oh wait.  They do.  ARGH!!!!

Chastity's sharp bite

Mmmm. What a tasty little device.  It's called "Kali's Teeth"

LINK.

Found the link on my message boards, where a reader reported buying their clever take on a chastity device (you can see it if you click the picture link and scroll up).

Pregnancy masochism

I'm one of those "childless by choice" people. Never wanted children, never been pregnant, don't regret not having any. So perhaps it biases me against ladies who see themselves as baby-making machines.

Michelle Duggar gave birth to her 18th child..Thursday, Dec. 18, 2008. 
LINK.

Having read and seen lots of interviews with people who opt to keep on producing babies, I know many of them believe that "God made them do it," or rather, that they are following God's will. Personally, I think that's a pile of horseshit, because as we all know, interpreting one's own madness and meanness as God's will so you can get a free pass to do awful things (you know, like those people who think it's God's will to go on a holy war against the US) is perhaps the leading cause of evil in the world. You may think it's God's will to XYZ, or you may BELIEVE it is, but unless you're God Himself, your authority is dubious.

I won't even get into the Greenie socio-economic politics of imposing that many new lives on an already overpopulated world and being a total eco-pig. 

What bothers me is that we culturally seem to celebrate such people.  What are we really celebrating -- the enshrinement of woman as a fertile receptacle?  What century is this?  I note that no one's ever come to my house to do a photoshoot of my fabulous non-child-oriented lifestyle, and laud how much freedom I have by simple virtue of my choice not to spawn.

I see nothing admirable in introducing babies into a competitive environment where they will barely be able to develop intimacy with their parents.   There aren't hours enough in the day for 18 kids to get individual attention from Mom.  What will their quality of life be?  Hopefully all their physical needs will be met, but what about their emotional needs?  When 9 kids are sick, which one gets medicine first?  When 4 kids are crying, which one gets picked up? 

I have a theory about women whose legacy to the world is a litter of children. I think they are pregnancy masochists: women who get off on the entire cycle of impregnation, pregnancy and birth. I think they like the drama. I think they like the attention. I think they like the discomforts. I even think they like the pain.  I think it's all about them, and I think we should stop publicly celebrating such supreme acts of selfishness.

Sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll, and rats

via Boing-Boing

Researchers at the University of Bari, Italy, studied how MDMA (ecstasy) and loud music impact the sexual activity of rats. They report their results in the scientific journal European Reiew for Medical and Pharmacological Sciences. According to their experiments, MDMA impaired the rats' sexual behavior while loud music seemed to increase the number of rats getting it on. From the paper abstract:

However, combined treatment of MDMA and music stimulation did not fully restore normal sexual behavior as the animals reaching ejaculation still showed a marked reduction of copulatory efficiency.

MDMA and loud music affects rat sex life

Me and my sweater boy

Apollo just HATES the cold.  So I hesitantly tried putting him one of his poodle sister's sweaters.  To my amazement, he not only willingly sat still and gave me his paws to insert in the armholes, he seems to love wearing it. 

Erotic Art by Santillo

SANTILLO

Apollo's new do redux

Well, sheesh: for some reason the photo we shot a coupla days ago of our sweet little patootie, Apollo, the Powderpuff Chinese Crested, didn't load properly.   So here he is, in his hirsute glory.

To say he's an odd little fellow is an understatement. Our vet alternately describes him as "a freak" and "little Hitler" because of his whimsical diva-like personality.  But, once you get used to his neuroses, you start to love him for them.  He's so sweet and amusing.  So happy to see his naturally, long girly hair is growing back strong. The crazy rescue lady we adopted him from gave him a crewcut because she thought it was too much trouble to keep him groomed. Oy.

---

Our baby dog, Apollo, just back from the groomer.   His long hair is soft as silk.

Happy fucking holidays

The Christmas-New Year's period produces a year-high spike in sexual activity and conceptions in the United States, according to biorhythm researchers and makers of sex-related products. They attribute the increase to holiday leisure and New Year's resolutions to have children. New Year's irresolution fueled by alcohol and partying is another contributing factor. 

"Right before New Year's Eve is our highest sales peak," said David Johnson, group product manager for Trojan brand condoms. 

Holiday season truly the season of love.

Whatizzit?

Sex toy or something creepy?

Brown moves to void Prop 8

Yes! It's about time.

The California attorney general has changed his position on the state's new same-sex marriage ban and is now urging the state Supreme Court to void Proposition 8.

In a dramatic reversal, Attorney General Jerry Brown filed a legal brief saying the measure that amended the California Constitution to limit marriage to a man and a woman is itself unconstitutional because it deprives a minority group of a fundamental right. Earlier, Brown had said he would defend the ballot measure against legal challenges from gay marriage supporters. But Brown said he reached a different conclusion "upon further reflection and a deeper probing into all the aspects of our Constitution.

Calif. AG urges court to void gay marriage ban

Cold comfort for those cursing the cold

And remember -- the temperatures they're citing are Celsius. (agh!)

...The town of Oymyakon is the coldest permanently inhabited place on earth.-- via  Boing Boing.

Shouldn't it be named Oymyakonbones?

Bomb your friends and lovers

Another cool DIY project for hedonists on a super-tight budget this financially worrisome holiday season. It's cheap, it's easy to make, and it's a sensual treat for whomever receives it.

There's nothing like a hot bath to soak away the stresses of the day or to pamper yourself before that all-important date. Most bath connoisseurs go the extra step to add bath salts or bubbles to their ritual. Unfortunately, a lot of bath products contain some rather suspect ingredients (think parabens, petrochemicals, synthetic fragrances), but there are tons of DIY remedies for this problem, and homemade bath bombs are not only fun, they leave your skin feeling soft and rejuvenated.

Make Your Own Bath Bombs : Planet Green

I wonder what kind of ingredients a perv could add to make this an extra spicy experience for the ones you love (and especially those you love to torment)?

Take that, shiba-inu cam!

Suddenly I am limper than overcooked macaroni.

O.M.G.! The cuteness is unbearable.

Golden Retriever puppies in space suits, stars in the soon-to-be-released Disney film, 'Space Buddies.'     Link

Every time I think I've finally tuned Disney out, they suck me back in.....!

We all like a little torture

Was this study still necessary after Abu Ghraib? Put another way, how many times do studies and facts and actual events have to be brought to our attention before people will finally accept that sadism is a universal impulse?

Scientists said on Friday they had replicated an experiment in which people obediently delivered painful shocks to others if encouraged to do so by authority figures.

Seventy percent of volunteers continued to administer electrical shocks -- or at least they believed they were doing so -- even after an actor claimed they were painful.

Shocking study finds most will torture if ordered

Straight people seem perpetually to be surprised by something all sadomasochists know.

*cough cough cough*

Women who suspect a man of having sex on the brain should listen out for a sneeze, as a pair of British doctors say that sneezing may be a sign of arousal.

Here's looking atchoo: Sneeze and sex could be linked.

Existential meanderings

I wonder sometimes how much of me I should show the world.  Despite all the stuff I write here, I keep it pretty reined in.  But should I?

The conundrum's been occupying my thoughts recently as I, for the nth time, re-evaluate exactly what the shape of my big non-fiction writing project should be.  Maybe folks think that the reason I haven't published any books in recent years is because I haven't been writing.  I have.  I write all the time.  Add graphomania to my hefty roster of fetishes and neuroses.  Thing is, that for most of my professional career as a writer I've been working with or for or been guided by commercial publishing considerations.  Everyone wants to be published by a big NY house, right?  At least, that's supposed to be your first choice.  But every time I've circulated a book project to commercial publishers over the years, the response has been fairly unanimous: I'm too subversive.  Can I tone it down?  Can I make it more mass-market-y?  In other words, can I dumb it down sufficiently to appeal to Oprah fans looking for a three-minute fix for their sex lives?

So I've got these two books I've been working on for the past few years.  And every time I've thought of or made some efforts to get a commercial publisher, I get numb.  They're going to make me change things.  They made me tone down Different Loving and Come Hither, and publishers are even more nervous nowadays. 

Which raises questions like who, really, am I writing for?  More importantly, who do I become when I censor myself to fit a more commercial mold? 

What would happen if I wrote a book the way I wanted to write it, saying exactly what I want to say, in the way I want to say it?

FOUND: vintage girl-on-girl BDSM

Three random vintage images -- different periods, different countries-- but similar all-female BDSM scenes. 

Pick of the sex toy litter

Gizmodo published their choice of The Ten Best Sex Gadgets of 2008 (NSFW), and realized there was something awfully familiar-looking about one of the vibrators on their list....

Xmas for pervs: DIY Gas Mask

Far be it for me to suggest that some mainstream publications subtly pander to the pervs in their audience, but PopSci is currently running a step-by-step guide to making your own gas mask, based on a funky tutorial that first ran in their magazine in 1942.

Outfit your bomb shelter or...make an present for a pervert you love.

DYI Gas Mask @ PopSci