Cleo Dubois, in her own words: Part II

CLEO DUBOIS _{is a BDSM Educator, ritualist, creator of the Academy of S/M Arts, and Leather columnist . A versatile sadomasochist whose private interests lay in caring sadism, switching and cross-orientation play, she came out in the San Francisco Leather Scene in the early 80's. Her two popular docu-films, "The Pain Game" and "Tie Me Up," are available on 1 DVD, "The S/M Arts Collection," on her website www.sm-arts.com, where you will also find details about the Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensives for Men and Women. She offers private guided play to individuals and couples in the privacy of her San Francisco area dungeon, as well as office and phone consultations.Read Part I of Cleo's story}

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A BIG mistake

It was 1988; I had been a professional Domina for quite a few years already. Fakir and I were vacationing in Mexico when I first encountered his inner femme. I did encourage ” her” to come out, bought him a sexy pair of black high heels at that little shop on the back of the church where “Berdaches”, gender bending shamans, and diva/boys shopped. I dressed him in my beautiful white summer dress and had him sashay for me on the hotel veranda at sunset. I had play in mind.

Humiliating cross-dressers was in my repertoire as a Mistress. Deep inside I harbored disdain for men in dresses as poor imitations of women. As our play unfolded, I tied him to a white rattan chair, thighs spread wide, ridiculed and verbally abused him for his lack of masculinity. There was nothing about humiliation that was a turn on for him/her. Our scene turned sour. I got angry, so did he and he felt deeply hurt. He wanted so badly to be accepted for the fetish girl he was inside. Seven years earlier, he had divorced his first wife who despised his kinky appetite and shamanic explorations. He wanted a loving Dominant Mistress, and he thought he had found her.

I took off his rhinestone collar and we both buried that memory as if it never happened. We did not play that way again for several years. When we opened dialogue again on his gender play, he volunteered that for several decades he was his own Top and his own bottom! It took me several years to accept that his gender explorations were part of his shamanic tradition.

In her monthly column “Relaiming Eros” on www.CarnalNation, my friend Margaret Wade explains that “a fairly consistent feature of the stories of two-spirit people is that they were respected within their communities and, in most tribes, were simply considered another gender.”

_{photo by Erin Flynn}

In those days, so many of my friends were dying: young and middle-aged leathermen ravaged by the opportunistic diseases of HIV/Aids at death’s door in a matter of a few weeks! My grief was so big, it blinded me. I was looking for Daddy, security and magic. The magic that would fix all. I did not see the two-paths walker Fakir really was. Sure I had seen photos of him corseted, soft and submissive. It turned out that he had made his first corset in 1958 and pierced his ears so he could wear earrings in private!

The leatherman of my dreams he was not, but the bigness of his heart and spirit touched me deeply. We dated, got engaged and a year later we tied the knot in a beautiful redwood grove in the summer of 1990. Witnessed by our leather tribe, our very close friend , playmate, Wicca priest leather faerie Ganymede drew a magic circle and called in big spirits. Jim Ward, co-creator of modern body piercing with Fakir, was our civil representative. We were gifted the service of a 25 year old “leather boy ” for our pleasure that night!

A little kinky I guess, but really very appropriate for us!

Plus ca change, plus c”est la meme chose.

(to be continued) © Cleo Dubois 2009

Cleo Dubois Academy of S/M Arts
http://www.sm-arts.com

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Heading to Colorado this summer? Meet me at Thunder in the Mountains July 17-19! I am pleased to be present my new class on Conscious Sadism. "Let Your Beast Out". Will be hot! I am also offering a community needle pull energy ritual with my dear friend and co-teacher at the Academy of SM Arts, Eve Minax.

Find out more
http://thunderinthemountains.com

My Academy of SM Arts is now enrolling the annual Erotic Dominance Intensive for Professionals ! If you are already involved or know someone interested in this work, this full three day course at the SF Citadel August 14-16 is filled with practical and psychological tools! Hands on playshops with our trained Academy volunteers bottoms , workbook and lots of personal attention from Cleo Dubois, Eve Minax and Selina Raven.

Find out more
http://www.sm-arts.com/intensives/pros.html

Apply at
http://www.sm-arts.com/intensives/form-pros.html.

Comments

[Layne Winklebleck]

Thanks for posting this 2 part wonderful account of a relationship many of us have watched and greatly admired over the years.

[Gloria]

Thanks, Layne! Stay tuned, Cleo plans to keep writing a monthly installment for us through the end of the year, taking them right up to where they are today.

hugs,
G.

[Cleo Dubois]

Hi Layne,

So nice to read your lovely words. You and Kat sure have your story to tell. You know if my live classes I always give Her credit for turning me on to the Scene.

Cleo

[Sylvia B]

Thank you for filling in the blanks on a relationship that has been amazing to witness. The depth of connection and energy and breadth of communication has been a blessing and a true education.