I'm delighted to feature the sixth amazing installment in the autobiography of the wondrous Cleo Dubois. Today's photos are, again, marvelous treasures, and Cleo's life-story continues to evolve in astonishing ways. This essay ends with a cliff-hanger that will leave you hungry for the next development. Viva Cleo!
CLEO DUBOIS is a BDSM Educator, ritualist, creator of the Academy of S/M Arts, and Leather columnist . A versatile sadomasochist whose private interests lay in caring sadism, switching and cross-orientation play, she came out in the San Francisco Leather Scene in the early 80's. Her two popular docu-films, "The Pain Game" and "Tie Me Up," are available on 1 DVD, "The S/M Arts Collection," on her website www.sm-arts.com, where you will also find details about the Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensives for Men and Women. She offers private guided play to individuals and couples in the privacy of her San Francisco area dungeon, as well as office and phone consultations.
The Predator and his (willing) PreyAs the century turned I dug deep into my psyche with my kink-aware therapist. I dredged up old traumas, cleaned house, so to speak, and freed the flames of my creative energy. I decided to make a film that would show the heart of BDSM and I found what I wanted. Creed had signed up to be my willing masochistic bottom at Thunder in the Mountains Leather Conference. We met and connected at first sight: her eyes were so vibrant, her attitude so powerful in her proud desire to serve, and she was beautiful! Our scene blew the roof off Denver’s Hyatt!
I just had to ask her if she’d be in my movie, the one I was definitely going to make, and gave her a year to answer. I had no experience, but I had friends who did: Annie Sprinkle featured in several videos I respected, Neon Weiss who worked with a production company and offered to be my director and Fakir who has a great eye for visual composition. I followed their advice to get a professional crew for sound, camera, and per Annie Sprinkle, a make-up artist too. In my home and dungeon, on a shoestring budget, over one unforgettable weekend, we shot The Pain Game, a queer and passionate endeavor. Everyone shared the vision: capturing the magic of BDSM in real play, safe, hot and connected.
In 2001 the Pain Game premiered at San Francisco Frameline LGBT festival, soon also screened in Paris, Berlin and Amsterdam… I felt empowered beyond my wildest hopes and very much in demand. Couples of all orientations looking to reignite their erotic connection despite disparity of taste and fetishes found their way to my Academy of SM Arts. I became a BDSM coach.
It was time for me to learn what I was teaching! Not “my way or the highway” but mutual transparency and negotiated agreements. Fakir and I made a weekly date night and honored it.
Fortunately in our San Francisco leathersex community we also got some of our needs met openly with informed consent at semi-public play parties. Black Sheets, the bimonthly pansexual SM sex party for gay and bi-kinksters a friend of ours ran, gave us a hot playground where, after 15 years at odds, safer sex and SM merged in pure raw encounters.
Opening the door to release your inner beast can be quite explosive. I was ready to reclaim a part of my sexuality shut down by the violent rape I survived in my late teens. Fakir could not embrace rough dominance, not his way! The fiery warrior I was deep inside craved to be made to give up erotic control to an aggressive man in whom I had trust and lust.
For years I had had a serious crush on John, our bodyworker. Although he presented as a charming Don Juan with no experience in the Scene, I sensed his appetite for dominance and rough sex. Each visit, he set his massage table up in my quiet little dungeon, where many of my toys grace the walls. That could not have helped but feed his erotic imagination.
A lone wolf whose untamed energy I found irresistible, I pursued him. I wanted him to take me down hard and make me fly. I asked only for a RED safeword. I knew bottoming to him would be a very powerful reclaiming sexual experience. The night John took me home, his inner predator came out full force. He pinned me down, spanked me hard, demanding I remain still and take it for him. He did not think twice about grabbing my hair and fucking my face. My orgasms were his to command. Our torrid dates made me beg for more.
Not from the BDSM community, he was not schooled in aftercare. He did not want to talk about the ritual violence of our sexual encounters. Without support, it was only a few months later he that dismissed me with the click of an email. I was a mess. Fakir stood by me and pointed out that my lone wolf was a coward who scared himself with his own dark side. Still, with all the support I had, it took me a few months to let go of him, my anger and my lust. Stronger, I realized that intimacy does not always come in the hot sex package. I had an extra ordinary loving partner and counted my blessings….
And then, one evening in late October, Alan walked into my dungeon looking for Top training…little did I know he and his wife would really become our family.--Cleo Dubois
I bet you can't wait for December. If you haven't already, read the full series of Cleo's autobiographical essays now:
Interested in Fakir’s explorations? Visit his web site for photos, description and video clips of his feature length documentary movie DANCES SACRED & PROFANE and huge photographic art book SPIRIT + FLESH at: http://www.fakir.org/store/index.html
Time is running out to sign up for the next Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensive for Women: Tops and Switches, November 14-15 at the SF Citadel. Dominate with presence and passion, competence and compassion! Hands on playshops with our trained Academy volunteers bottoms, workbook and lots of personal attention from Cleo Dubois, Eve Minax and Selina Raven.
Enrollment is now open for the January 29-31 (2010) Weekend for Dominant Men and those who Switch.
Find out more at www.sm-arts.com/intensives/women.html
Anyone, Top, bottoms, switches, curious, partnered or not, visiting the San Francisco Bay Area is welcome to contact me for a private consultation or guided play in my San Francisco Peninsula dungeon.