The subject of "cheating" always irritates me, because it is so often framed in a "decline of morality" context. It's nothing of the sort.
a study out of Indiana University finds that women today cheat at about the same rate as men, and that the number of unfaithful women is growing. The study showed that 19 percent of married women and 23 percent of married men reported cheating, statistics that reflect a closing of the cheating gender gap. (Note: These numbers are probably on the conservative side because they reflect the percentage of people who admitted to cheating. Presumably, the numbers of unfaithful partners is higher.) Research from the 1990s found that only 10 percent of married women reported being unfaithful. According to these numbers, female infidelity may one day rival or even surpass male cheating.
Another interesting fact? According to the study, the most common age for women to have an affair is 45. For men, it's 55.
One of the themes in my new book is focusing on how sex is lived and coming to psychological grips with it by looking at partnered relationships through a rational lens.
So, for example, it's only human for people to seek out sexual satisfaction with others,particularly when they can't find it at home. For some of us, even having it at home doesn't quench the desire to have different experiences with different partners throughout our lives. This is not a moral crisis: it's an eternal biological reality. Why pretend otherwise?
The best way to end cheating is to stop lying. It's only cheating when you have to conceal it from other people (and, by the way, as long as you are concealing a relationship from your significant other it is cheating; no matter how many different ways you may rationalize it to yourself, including pretending it's just an Internet thing , it's always cheating if you have to lie about it).
So: how can we end this ancient sexually dysfunctional cycle? As I see it, if you can't practice what you preach, then re-examine the preaching, and considering expanding your points of a view to a more humane model (i.e., open or polyamorous) that allows you to live your truth without shame.
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