We had a majorly mellow weekend, with a sexy and helpful houseguest joining in on our habitual merriment. Will outdid himself (as he so often does) and served up a veritable food orgy of hickory smoked ribs (beef and pork!), homemade biscuits, dirty rice, roasted brussel sprouts, and an array of sides that left us all oohing and aahing and then silently gobbling.
It was a luxiously lazy weekend for yours truly, something I seldom grant myself. I spent some blissy time dreaming about the future while playing with my fish tanks, sprawled for lovie time with the dogs, and even got some gardening done between bouts of working on site upgrades and partying with the gang.
Sometimes I really can't believe how happy I am. I wasn't prepared for it. Until my mid 30s, I saw myself as the tragic victim of life -- terrible parents, terrible choices in partners, always struggling for money, just struggling to get through the day sometimes. I knew I wanted to write but my discipline sucked and, honestly, I wasn't entirely sure WHAT I wanted to write about.
These days, I feel like I could've been her in a past life -
It took all the courage I could muster to change my life. But I did. I know that personal happiness is attainable. I know because I've attained it and I've seen others who, like me, would never have dreamed it possible, attain it too.
If you listened to my podcast with Buck Angel the other day, I asked him how he did it: how he went from being unempowered and struggling with his identity to the man he is today, filled with joy and pride, and now helping other people find a better path in life. His answer, like the answer I think most people who break through ultimately come to is that it is, in fact, simpler and freer to accept yourself than to live your life trying to be someone you are not.
The hurdle is learning to make new choices and to adopt more organic behaviors, so that what you project reflects who you really are, not who you pretend to be. If you can do that, and find people who love you for that realer, truer self, the transformation in your self-image will amaze you.