Gloria's Oversexed Mind

Gloria: (attempting in vain to dislodge poodle from ass) Damn. This poodle is heavier than water. She's 20 pounds of pressure per inch. No wonder I wake up in the morning at the edge of the bed.

Will: Trust me, I know.

Gloria: How does she do that in her sleep? It's like she's being sucked by horizontal gravity.

Will: It's called the Coriolis Effect

Gloria: .....

Will: That's the physical phenomenon.

Gloria: For a minute I thought you said the Coriolanus effect.

Will: .....

Gloria: That's the Shakespearean play.

July 21, 2008 in Autobiographical Urges, Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (1)

Wow, I love this. I would definitely let little fishies nibble my toes. I'm guessing they munch up callouses? Anyone know?

I've heard of this fish helping people with psoriasis, but didn't know they helped healthy skin. Too cute.

Tracy Roberts, 33, of Rockville, Md. has her toes nibbled on by a type of carp called garra rufa, or doctor fish, during a fish pedicure treatment at Yvonne Hair and Nails salon in Alexandria, Va. on Thursday July 17, 2008.

So if you're a foot fetishist who's wondered "if I was reincarnated, what animal would I like to be?" the doctor fish could just be a perfect choice!

July 21, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love, Sexual Beauty | Permalink | Comments (0)

I imagine that Concerned Chameleons for America are complaining to their congressmen right now about these filthy perverts.

...a tiny chameleon from Madagascar spends two-thirds of its life inside its egg. Once it hatches, it engages in brutal sex, then dies before its offspring see the light of day....

Karsten thinks sex might be what kills the adults off after just 4 to 5 months. In as-yet-unpublished experiments, he studied the mating behaviour of F. labordi in enclosures and discovered that courtship is a risky business for both sexes.

"These males will fight fiercely in long, rather drawn-out combats, and their courtship behaviour is also rather violent," Karsten told New Scientist.

Violent sex means chameleons die young

It isn't only the males who are violent. From the same article, a male specimen:

And one of the species' Violent Femmes attacking a male.

The only good word to describe this chameleon's sex life would be sadomasochistic. I won't call it sadomasochism (because all good pervs know that what we mean when we say sadomasochism is not only safe, sane, and consensual but a conscious choice). But the word sadomasochistic applies and is, in my view, an unfortunate omission from this article. Reporters are given to using "sadomasochistic" to describe everything from violence to emotional abuse in humans -- and consistently use terms like "sadomasochistic" and "fetishistic" to apply to non-sexual behaviors. But the truth about sadomasochism -- that such behaviors are the seexual norm for many species, and evident throughout nature - never seems to get a nod.

So I'm nodding!

Whatever the environmental reasons, including the brevity of their life-spans, environment alone does not explain why this species, and innumerable others (not just insects and reptiles, but mammals and primates) are given to mixing in pain and aggression with orgasm and reproduction. Much more important, I believe, is the role of genetics, and how genes program androgens. If an exceptionally high level of androgens can explain SM tendancies in F. labordi perhaps one day we will be able to prove that geneticsdetemine SM tendancies in Homo sapiens too.

July 2, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love, Sex and Sadomasochism, Sexual Science and Medicine | Permalink | Comments (0)

Caught something about this on "The Soup," and couldn't believe it was real.

It is. Spray it on a steaming pile of poo and voila! Bet John Waters wishes he'd had some for "Pink Flamingos."

POOP-FREEZE™ is an emergency pet product that every pet owner should have. Just keep it under the sink for those occassions in which your pet has diarrhea or loose stool. POOP-FREEZE™ is ideal for new pet owners as thier pets are learning the basics of potty training. POOP-FREEZE™ is also great for seasoned pet owners whos pets occassionally make a mess in the house. POOP-FREEZE™ is safe to use both on carpet and vegetation. Just Frost & Toss with POOP-FREEZE™.

poop-freeze.com

June 24, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love, Post-Modern Pop Culture | Permalink | Comments (0)

In case you ever doubted evolution (if you still do, well, shame on you for reading this blog! what would your pastor say? clearly you need some counseling with the glorious Dr. Brame...ahem ahem)....

Anyway, a couple of new studies hammer home how very closely human emotions are linked to our closest evolutionary relatives. Evolution is all in the details, isn't it?

Why Female Chimps Shout During Sex

Female chimps often cry out during sex to attract nearby males, but they keep quiet when other females are around so they don't alert their competition, a new study finds

Chimps also love to hug and kiss! Mmm. HUGGING. KISSING. GOOD.

Study: Chimps calm each other with hugs, kisses

For most folks, a nice hug and some sympathy can help a bit after we get pushed around. Turns out, chimpanzees use hugs and kisses the same way. And it works. Researchers studying people's closest genetic relatives found that stress was reduced in chimps that were victims of aggression if a third chimp stepped in to offer consolation.

"Consolation usually took the form of a kiss or embrace," said Dr. Orlaith N. Fraser of the Research Center in Evolutionary Anthropology and Paleoecology at Liverpool John Moores University in England.

Side note: recently I've been trying to give clients more hugs. Years ago, I'd read of some therapists who were using hug therapy and felt, well, kind of appalled. Then met someone whose therapist had invited her to sit in her lap for an entire session. SHE was appalled and never returned after that. So I have generally tried to walk a line between expressing affection with heart-felt hello and good-bye hugs v. all-out huggie-contact during therapy. But often as I'm listening to someone I realize, OMG, they SO need to be hugged. I finally decided to see what a long hug, as PART of therapy, might do and asked a particularly trusted and hug-deprived client if we could try a 10-minute hug a few weeks ago. It was a little awkward (for us both, I think) but, what do you know, it has had an amazingly positive effect. I won't say it's effected a break-through but it seemed to slice off a whole big chunk of my client's generalized anxiety. Amazing. I still won't be inviting anyone to sit in my lap, but the new research has definitely got me thinking. The simplest, most basic gesture of affection can be emotionally transformative for humans.

June 19, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love, Sexual Science and Medicine | Permalink | Comments (1)

We're on our way to SELF! Think of all the perverts we'll get to meet!

June 13, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (1)

One piglet. One phobia. One pair of stylin' mud boots.

A piglet in Northern England who developed a phobia of mud has overcome its fear with the aid of some Wellington boots.

Cinders, a young saddleback pig, appeared to have a condition called mysophobia - a fear of dirt - having refused to wallow in the mud with her siblings

Link

So if mysophobia means a fear of dirt -- does that mean pervs who love raunch are mysophiliacs?

June 13, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

via Cute Overload! :)

May 27, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Love this little story in today's news about an African Grey who escaped from his cage and ended up on a neighbor's roof, where cops captured him. The cops were trying to figure out where he came from when the bird decided to fess all to the staff at the vet hospital where he was being sheltered.

"I'm Mr. Yosuke Nakamura," the bird told the veterinarian. The parrot also provided his full home address, down to the street number, and even entertained the hospital staff by singing songs.

Link: Lost parrot tells veterinarian his address

The escapee:

May 21, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (1)

OMG. How is the poor thing even able to walk? 35 lb cat (though it looks even bigger).

First saw it on cuteoverload, then hopped over to Ananova to read the story of the "real life Garfield". It sure doesn't look real, though.

April 24, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (1)

While getting the first cup of coffee of the day, I was blown away by blue at the feeder.

Indigo Blue.

image via Ms. Lume@flickr

It was so so blue, so tiny, so beautiful. A few things I just learned about this charming little bird.

The Indigo Bunting migrates at night, using the stars for guidance. It learns its orientation to the night sky from its experience as a young bird observing the stars. All About Birds

A group of buntings are collectively known as "a decoration of buntings", "a mural of buntings", and a "sacrifice of buntings." Whatbird.com

Despite the appearances of monogamy, recent advances in genetic analyses have revealed that 20-40% of the buntings born in a season are fathered by males other than the holder of the territory in which the young are born. Another fly in the pudding of nuclear family life is that about 15% of breeding males will have as many as four females on their territory, either simultaneously or over a season. The Smithsonian

They're polygamous star-guided lovers! Wish I could see a flock of them, so I can say I saw a sacrifice of buntings.

(OTOH, that might make some people think I witnessed some strange voodoo ritual......)

April 24, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love, Pleasures of the Garden | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's an image that totally classes up the NY Post's Page Six: the lovely Natalie Portman getting anointed by someone who wants to make her his bitch. (And, really, who wouldn't want to?)

NATALIE PORT-A-POTTY

April 22, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love, Post-Traumatic Tabloid Disorder | Permalink | Comments (0)

Jen found two fantastic quotes about dogs
"You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us" ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

"I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in losing a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time?" ~Sir Walter Scott

We're doing much better. We gardened ourselves to the point of exhaustion yesterday and came in feeling happy and whole. Will undertook the monstrous task of excavating a stand of giant cannas that were about to eat the garden. Some of the original bulbs were about 16" in diameter (!!). We then relocated them (significantly divided) to a new, tilled bed by the driveway, and to another stretch of newly tilled soil at the edge of the woods, behind our burn-pit. Last year some of these cannas were about 8 feet tall. I'm hoping they'll be even more robust in their new spots. My rural community is known as "city of cannas" and, with any luck, this year anyone driving by will see our community spirit.

We have lots more work to do out there--I've let most everything mature in its spot for 2-3 years and the reward now is that everyone is super healthy -- so healthy they've wildly outgrown their spaces. This will be a season of dividing. I've reached the point where I no longer NEED to buy new plants to fill in the scape. Now I've got to move everything around and fill in spare spots with overflow perennials. It's been five years in the making but my original vision for the garden is finally starting to emerge.

Meanwhile, Jen's vision of an edible paradise is about to bear fruit, literally. It's been a great spring and the garden is loving it. Looks like we are going to have amazing crops of figs, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, and asparagus this year. We are totally stoked!

More gardening today. The weather is divine. I feel Bobo in the garden with me. I can almost see him running around, keep an eye on me, with that oddly perverted grin on his face that sometimes made him look like a dirty old man.

It's all good. I'm starting to feel good that I had the chance to live with such a great, kooky dog.

April 21, 2008 in Autobiographical Urges, Pets and Animal Love, Pleasures of the Garden | Permalink | Comments (0)

A few more things I need to say and then Will and I are going out to the garden to work as hard as we can.

On the last day of his life, when I gave him the last walk I'll ever give him, Bobo stopped to smell all the pretty new flowers planted outside the vet's office -- and made sure to pee wherever other dogs had peed, with a truly gleeful look on his face.

On the floor of the operatory, I managed to scoot around and position myself so Bobo could rest his head on my chest. I told the vet it was his favorite thing in the world, what I call "the boobie hug." Yes, when it came to human ladies, Bobo was totally a breast man, and totally loved burying his head in my rack (and Jen's too). Then, softly in his ear, so only he could hear, I sang him his favorite song, one I've sung a thousand times since he was a little pup: "You Are My Sunshine." I always change the last line from "please don't take my sunshine away" to "please don't take my Bobo away." Though he was barely conscious, he smiled and sighed when I did. Will believes that Bobo said his goodbyes to us then.

I thought we'd have Bobo cremated but Will wanted to bury him on our land, near Malachi, our darling cat who also died unexpectedly last year. Will wanted a grave to visit, and wanted to dig it himself. When we got home, my Herculean husband (if you've never seen Will, well, he's a cross between a bear and a weight-lifter in frame) took a pick-axe and a shovel, and asked me to pick a spot. I chose one between Malachi's grave and a flowering dogwood. Then I had to go inside and talk to some clients, as I had a long-standing appointment scheduled. When I was finished, I came back out: Will had dug an enormous hole in the tough Georgia red clay, and had also excavated some boulders to build a cairn. We put Bobo's favorite toys (including a few he'd eviscerated as a puppy, and which I'd saved), his collar and tags, and his favorite treats in the grave with him. I said a prayer and threw down a handful of dirt (as Jews do when they bury their dead), then we shared the work in filling in the grave and covering it with rocks. It is a very fine grave, in a spot in the woods that Bobo often visited. And then the sun broke through the clouds that had covered the sky all morning, and the garden glittered with light.

Bobo died as the sun set and Passover 2008 began. As a lapsed/non-practicing Jew, and a person who doesn't believe in organized religion altogether, Jewish holidays are not very important to me. But I am still a Jew -- and much of my Jewish identity derives from my family's history, as survivors of the Nazi Holocaust. Bobo died on Passover. But more importantly he died on the eve of April 19th. This is the date of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising (April 19, 1943); a date which has always held profound meaning for myself and my parents, who were born and raised in Warsaw and were friends with some of the martyrs who died in a spontaneous, doomed effort to defy Nazi occupation. The confluence of Pesach, April 19th and Bobo's passing was emotionally overwhelming. Life and death and survival: all wrapped up in 24 hours of grief.

Blogging about Bobo helped. The kind words on the blog, and phonecalls and emails, helped beyond all reckoning. Gardening a little yesterday helped. But what seemed to help more than anything was therapy. Some clients in crisis needed extra help this weekend, plus I had some regular therapy sessions to deal with as well. Helping other people -- shutting down my own grief, focusing on the living, on people who have needs in the here and now, giving me something useful and positive to do in taking care of them -- was balm to my soul. Helping them helped me more than anything else I could have ever done for myself.

And finally....and to me, maybe the most poignant and bittersweet and mystical thing of all....

Among the many things we offer the wild birds is a small hand-made cage containing fluff and hair and other tiny bits of softness the birds can use to cushion their nests. This year, I saved a big ball of Bobo fur and stuffed it in the cage, figuring they would be delighted by it. It sat out there totally neglected for months. When we got home from bringing Bobo in for surgery I glanced out the window and noticed a little bird holding a ball of his fluff in its beak before flying off. I looked at the cage and was amazed and delighted to see it had been picked clean. OMG. When did that happen? I check it almost every day. Pretty soon baby birds wild be born into a world made soft by Bobo fur. I was so happy about it. After he died later that day, I couldn't stop thinking that little bird. Even though he is gone, Bobo will still be protecting a new generation of the little creatures who live here.

April 20, 2008 in Autobiographical Urges, Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (2)

Bobo's death hit me hard not just because the death of someone you love is so painful, but because I was so completely invested in believing that the surgery would extend his life and that he would be home with us in a few hours, feeling better than he had in many months.

In his honor, two naked posts today, naked in the sense of personal and emotional.

I haven't gone through all five stages of grief -- there was no bargaining -- but my grief did track the Kubler-Ross model.

Denial: even as we held him in our arms, even though he was so obviously sinking rapidly, struggling for every breath, I couldn't believe he would die. If we gave him just a little more blood, a little more time, I was sure he'd pull through. When the vet called to say there was no longer any hope I still asked her to give him one more hour, sure that there was still a chance for him to rally. And when she called to say he had passed on his own, a part of me believed it couldn't be true, that he would surprise her and suddenly move again, and that by tomorrow, we'd be laughing and celebrating (as we have many times before) his magical mysterious power to keep on going even when all the odds were against him.

Anger: though we saw the vet just working her heart out for him, doing everything and more that could be done, I blamed her. She had killed my dog. The operatory was a pigsty. He should have had more pre-surgery tests. There should have been a more human standard of health care. She killed him. I hated her, I hated her office, I hated her staff, and I hated the fact that veterinary care is so inferior to the lengths we go to to save human lives. I fantasized about building vet hospitals where animals are treated like people, with soft cozy beds and sterile conditions.

Depression: there was nothing anyone could say that could change how I felt. We're all going to die, and maybe as suddenly, unexpectedly, as Bobo. Maybe on the drive home our car would jump the road and land in a ditch. What was the point of anything? While we were hugging Bobo, a rescue lady brought in a miserable elderly stray beagle with an inoperable tumor. The vet sobbed when she put him down, mascara running down her cheek as she knelt on the floor with us to check Bobo's heart-rate for the millionth time.

Acceptance: it was Bobo's time. Maybe he'd been trying to tell us that for the last few weeks. Maybe he had tried hard to keep going just for us, despite the pain he was experiencing. He was the most loyal devoted dog in the world. Maybe he did what I've always feared he would: keep going because he knew Mom and Dad couldn't let him go. He was not scared of dying. We were the ones who were scared. He was as brave and dignified and loving in death as he had been throughout his life. I had to accept his death the way he did: it was his time. It was okay. Death is a part of life. He knew that. He was much wiser, more mature, more stoic, than I will ever be.

The step I skipped was "bargaining." There was no time to bargain, though while I held him I did beg God for one thing: on the eve of Passover, please let death pass over my Bobo and go to another door.

April 20, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (1)

Too sad for words. This is how I will always remember him.

April 18, 2008 in Autobiographical Urges, Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (19)

We just spent a couple of hours at the vet's. Bobo had a significant set-back requiring a blood transfusion, and we had to race there to be by his side, just in case. Lots of encouragement and cuddling and reassurances...can't say for sure that they helped but he finally stabilized. He was responsive to our love, and definitely recognized us. Maybe it helped him. When the call came, we literally raced out the door so we're back now for a little bit to feed/walk the furry babies. (Jen is out of town for the weekend, alas, so isn't here to help.) The doctor will call if anything changes; we'll head back once we've fed everyone (including ourselves). It's going to be a long night of watching and waiting. We haven't lost hope. I'll log back in when I know something more concrete. (And thanks in advance for any good vibes you can send Bobo's way.)

April 18, 2008 in Autobiographical Urges, Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (4)

The vet just called. He's awake! Said Bobo had no problems coming out of anesthesia. Yay!! The downside: it was a long and difficult surgery because the tumor was "very vascular." He lost a LOT of blood and is very woozy, so can't come home until this evening. They warned me that he is a total Frankenpuppie too, since they had to staple him like crazy. Also, apparently he's going to ooze disgustingness for a while, so now we're trying to figure out how to protect carpets, furniture and bedding. Bleh. But woozy, oozy, who cares as long as he will recuperate to enjoy his life fully again. I'll update again when he's home safe and sound.

April 18, 2008 in Autobiographical Urges, Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (2)

My apologies to anyone disappointed that I didn't get my usual Thursday late night "intimations of immorality" image up. I've been going back and forth in my mind on whether or not to run an erotic art show this week. I'm feeling kind of bummed. Our eldest dog, Bobo, the first dog I've ever owned, is undergoing cancer surgery today. In fact, the vet is probably working on him right now. It isn't the cancer I'm worried about -- fortunately, is very slow-growing and this surgery is a "debulking" of the tumor to relieve the pressure (and thus give him more years). But he's going under general anesthesia. Bobo's getting to be a pretty old fellow and older dogs don't always do too well with that. He has been through an astonishing number and intensity of medical interventions, starting at age 4, when he nearly died from a ruptured disk. He has always been a real champion about his seemingly endless series of afflictions, bouncing back every time and wagging his tail through most everything. At the ripe age of 11 1/2, though, I can't help feeling all kinds of anxious about whether he has the will to keep fighting.

He was acting pretty pitifully a couple of weeks ago (his seasonal allergies have been through the roof this year -- as you'll see below by the damage he's done to himself with incessant chewing and licking). But the vet put him on pain medications and antibiotics, and he's been acting sprightly and happy again the last few days. So we're hopeful that he still has lots and lots of fight left to get through many more years of life.

my poor old baby

All this to say that I didn't feel as jovial as usual last night, and didn't feel like forcing myself to kid around on the blog.

But after much thought this morning I've decided to go ahead with the art show anyway. Thinking about Bobo and where he'd be today, at first, made me feel like brushing off the show. But thinking about Bobo also always makes me remember how NOTHING, not even dire illnesses that must cause him the most hellish of discomfort, have EVER kept him down. I'm going to do a show. And with luck, by the end of the day, will be able to report that our little old baby is home.

April 18, 2008 in Autobiographical Urges, Pets and Animal Love, Sex and Arts | Permalink | Comments (0)

A couple of readers have asked to see some new pics of our pups...as if I needed the encouragement :) These were snapped the other night. (Apricot poodle is Venus, and the black & white chinese crested is Apollo; our eldest dog, Bobo, was camera-shy). Hard to believe Apollo's only been here a few months. He and Venus are as inseparable as litter-mates. They have so much in common now, they even agree that our television choices are BORING. BTW, my feet are totally anchored under that cozy faux fur blanket that they love to snuggle on. Every night they make sure to claim some part of me as a pillow or bed before passing out. I can't move a muscle without waking them. Which, of course, is their diabolical plan. Keep the Mother Figure in helpless dog bondage!

Apollo a.k.a. Cujo, our enfant terrible, at rest.

Perhaps a bit more exciting was this trippy-dippy lunar moth that affixed itself to our kitchen window a couple of nights ago. Will got this incredible shot of the beautiful green beastie:

April 17, 2008 in Autobiographical Urges, Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (2)

Wait! Don't look unless you're willing to be haunted by guilt for the rest of your life....

Oops. What did you do?

(image from CuteOverload.com)

April 14, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

(OK, before I expire from the sheer adorability of this, pls. note little poochy belly on that limp ball of kitty)

A female lion carries her newly born cub at the Raghdan Zoo

It'd be so fun if I could carry little tiny submissive men around like that...!

April 3, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Special April 1st edition

Not safe for work...

...or anywhere a dachshund with a fetish for playing catch could see this.

April 1, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (2)

Author Tammy S. Grimes is working on a book about the people who become animal rights advocates. Ms. Grimes is asking dog-lovers to take a brief survey which delves into our personal lives and motivations. Her goal is to find out what makes dog lovers tick, and towards that end she asks some pretty personal (but important) questions. Be prepared for questions about your childhood home, your experience with abuse, your religious/spiritual practices.

Animal Advocacy Background Survey

I'm working on a book for animal advocates, and I'd dearly love your input. I'm striving to find out what different backgrounds animal advocates come from, and ascertain if there are family patterns or other factors that seem to lead us in the direction of advocating for animals. Some of the questions are personal...you may always skip a question if it makes you too uncomfortable, and you may remain absolutely anonymous. Most of all, try to be truthful, even if it hurts. There are many opportunities for you to add comments...the more information you can give me the better for me to understand you and the background you come from, so feel free to elaborate on any answer that has a comment box. If you'd like to give me your contact info at the end, I would respect your privacy and your answers, and only contact you further in the event that I need more information. But as I say, you may choose to remain totally anonymous.

I'll definitely be interested in seeing the results of this one. Would be very very interesting if she can establish correlations between personal history and the choice to speak up for doggies.

Thanks to Via GGracie at Sex-Kitten-Net for sending me the link and info.

March 26, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Link.

March 24, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Found somewhere somehow in the blogosphere, a link to an equestrian site where someone diligently advises horse owners on how to care for their animal's penis.

My favorite excerpt:

Fiction: My horse swishes his tail and sometimes raises a hind leg when I clean his sheath, but he'd never kick me.

Fact: Don't be so sure! Some horses really resent this procedure.

from Cleaning a Horse's Sheath

Shouldn't someone let Mike Rowe know that there's a dirty horse job out there waiting for him to do it?

March 22, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (1)

Hang in there...just one more day...and it will be Friday! Oh yeah, baby! Shake it!

March 20, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Guess you've all heard there's a new polar bear cub on the block? Meet Flocke, the pride and joy of the Nuremberg Zoo.

Here she is nom nom nomming her keeper/mommy's toes Yeah. Yum. Toes taste good.

If that didn't make you melt to a sickening ooze of saccharine animal love, look at this.

Agh. Too much cuteness! I'm melting! I'm melting!

March 19, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (2)

Dear Mike,

You don't know me yet but my name is Apollo and my mother ordered me to write you this letter. I want to thank you for the wonderful toy that you sent me. It was the best toy I ever had. It was so chewy! I loved it. When anyone tried to take it away from me I growled and snapped at them, it was that good. So thank you ...

Oh. Sorry. Mommy said this isn't supposed to be a letter of thanks, but a letter of apology. A small miscommunication. I'll write another one now.

Your forever friend,
Apollo

Dear Mike,

Apollo here. Mommy is forcing my paws to write you an apology for eating the nifty wire-keeper that you sent her. She said that it was one of the most thoughtful gifts ever because it kept doggie paws safe from electrical cords and it let her practice bondage techniques too!

Personally, I just thought it tasted good.

Sad to say, the apes took it away from me before I got to chew the entire thing up. I only got his nose, arms and suction cup. I was so looking forward to the head.

your forever friend,
Apollo

p.s. don't tell Mommy but I hid some hard, chewed up pieces in the bed, like landmines. Every now and then she rolls over and goes "Yowch!" and I know I got her! Ha ha ha.

March 12, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

And now, it's further confirmed. A little necrophilia, anyone?

Male spiders play dead for sex: study

All the males sought to attract partners by offering a gift of food, held in the mouth.

But the ones that lay flat and motionless -- even if meant getting dragged about by a female that had latched onto the victuals -- wound up in a much better position, as it were, to engage in sexual activity.

The hapless males that tried the direct approach wound up keeping the free meal but not getting what they were really after.

March 12, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Unbearably cute!! I just hope it's a boy dog.

A dog in traditional costume takes part in a mass as part of San Lazaro celebrations in the indigenous community of Monimbo in Masaya City link.

March 10, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Awwwwwwwwwwww.

It's not just a fashion statement. Find out why some police dogs are getting pretty blue shoes.

February 26, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dog lovers unite. You have nothing to lose but your personal dignity!

First, we must bow to the poodle. Miss Venus is doing her best to look very regal. It comes across as grumpy, but, really, it's regal. Or as regal as someone with a crooked tiara can feel.

She knows she's all that!

Even her belly is queen-size.

And so she rises for treats like a solid wall of meatloaf.

She likes to lord her Queenliness over her humble (but not nearly humble enough!) consort, Apollo, the Royal Prince, formerly known as feral mutt.

He's a charmer, he is but don't be fooled by his unbearable cuteness. That's the smile of a dog who knows he has plans to break into the trash, steal chocolate off a table, tear the living daylights out of some carpet and bite everyone who tries to stop him. As in OUCH, thank goodness he's missing a few teeth.

See his piggie toy? It's his favorite. Know why? It represents his master-plan to grow a belly bigger than the Queen's.

Alas, now that he has a forever home, he's ready to kill for it. Yikes! He's earned many a cold stare from the humans and the poodle's love temperature has dropped to below freezing. But nothing can slow down his joie de vivre: Cogito Ergo Toys: I think about my toys, therefore I am. Whee!

February 24, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (1)

It was a bright, beautiful, spring-like day today in Georgia, and I'm feeling sunny too. In honor of the natural world, this amazing image of a Red-Veined darter covered in tiny water drops after a shower.

Like...WOW! Compare it to wiki's photo of a dry fly:

February 18, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love, Pleasures of the Garden | Permalink | Comments (2)

Feeling stressed and depressed?

Here's some remedial hedge-hoggery to relax your mind.

via CuteOverload.

Who knew hedgies had so many weird facial expressions?

February 13, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

So my two little dogs climb all over me and have grudgingly accepted that they must share me. I'm in bed under the cover right now (have had a helluva cold/flu all week and this is my first chance to lounge in bed for some much needed rest), and the little dogs have carved up my back (from thighs to shoulders) as their personal pillow rests. But little new dog (Apollo) had to go check out some excitement at the door and temporarily lost his place. He sprang back on the bed, and crept carefully forward: in the past week he's learned two important lessons. 1. We do not walk on Mommy's keyboard and make her Internet connection go kerpluie; and 2. We do not walk on the poodle (especially if we wish to retain all our fur and limbs). With much dainty positioning, he managed to sail past Scylla and Charybdis (by climbing over my shoulder and down my back) and plopped onto a pillow. I rewarded him for this slow and graceful maneuver with soft words, a cuddle and then, because he looked so relieved that he'd done it right, a tiny kiss on his little ebony lips. He swooned! Can a dog swoon? He fell back into the pillows in a limp heap, eyes closed, a blissed out look on his face. Then he opened his eyes and gave me that look that rescuers know, the look that makes rescuing a stray so incredibly worth it, the look that says, "Can this miracle really be true? Am I really home now?"

Oh yes, Apollo. You are home for sure.

February 10, 2008 in Autobiographical Urges, Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (1)

Today's news carried a fascinating headline,

Strange Creature Immune to Pain

For a second, I wondered if it was perchance, one of the stellar masochists I've had the depraved honor to know...but alas, nothing so exciting as that. Just some research on the itty bitty mole rat:

As vulnerable as naked mole rats seem, researchers now find the hairless, bucktoothed rodents are invulnerable to the pain of acid and the sting of chili peppers.

Some of us may remember back to the 1980s when this thumb-sized, petal-pink creature was first discovered. (If you don't, rent Erroll Morris's fantastic documentary, Fast, Cheap and Out of Control.) Since then, scientists have been poking and prodding at the little critter (not too cruelly, one hopes) trying to figure out what makes these efficient little oddballs tick.

But better than studying why a mole rat doesn't feel pain, I'd like to see more studies telling us why humans feel so much pain. It seems pretty obvious that other species have better protections against sensitivity to pain. I won't even get into the subject of mental pain, because it's so obvious that, on the whole, animals are not as depressed or crazy as people. Physically though, we've all seen animals make amazing recoveries from abuses and injuries that would kill a human. Their tolerance for discomfort is truly awesome, their ability to cope with insect bites, scratches, and other minor pains is pretty incredible compared with our own. There is no mistaking when they have serious pain. But overall, they seem to have a higher threshhold for pain than we humans can even imagine. If you live or work with animals, think how many times a particular animal gets sick in a year. Hopefully very seldom. Now think how many times in a year you're flat on your ass with a back ache, a headache, sinus problems, toothaches, a pulled muscle, a cold, etc. etc. (Or how many times you walk through the day feeling like you should be home in bed.)

Instead of pain-testing animals, I wish scientists would focus more time and energy on figuring out why humans experience more or more intense pain than other species. Is there a biological explanation? Do our bigger brains cause bigger pains?

January 29, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love, Sexual Science and Medicine | Permalink | Comments (2)

For those who are keeping track, our new babydog Apollo (the toy killer) is getting along great guns with his sister Venus (the giant fluff ball). Here they are, during a happy play time with Leaf, their new kitten sister.

She's a tiny little Leaf who loves the dogs. But not as much as she loves her new toy.

Apollo liked the toy fine too, especially when the kitten batted it at him.

Still, he had to show the toy who was boss!

Venus is just overjoyed to have two new friends.

January 28, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Note from your normally acerbic blogger: If you don't like animals, or women who get sappy about animals, move on. Otherwise, prepare for a big gush of sappy animal love. You've been warned.

Our fur babies are home at last. YAY! It's been a long and arduous process to get them home -- I'll write more about that grisly series of events another time. But wow it was all so worth it.

Our first adoption was a tiny little dog now officially named Apollo (the companion to his mini-poodle sister, Venus). As of this afternoon, we are joined by a kitten (formerly Mary) whose renaming has not yet been finalized.

When last you (regular readers) saw Apollo, he had a handsome pouf of silky white hair on his head. It gave him a kind of Elvis-sexy, Einstein-smart allure.

But his rescue person clipped off his beautiful do just before we got him, so he looks a little more like a Terrier mix than the powderpuff Chinese crested that he is. Forgive a mom's prejudice, but I still think he is a very dashing fellow.

Apollo made it his business to fit in. He is the most unbelievably well-behaved, loyal, affectionate, eager-to-please, and delightful little dog. I'm amazed at how quickly he's adapted to us. He knows how to make friends with everyone. Even the cats quickly accepted him. Last night, he and Venus curled up together to sleep (**MELT**). Venus, who mourned the death of our bichon very deeply, seems measurably happier. Her laugh is back. I think she knows Apollo was picked to be her special friend. Besides, who could resist his charms?

Meanwhile, Jen brought our babycat home from the pound today, and she too is unbelievably sweet and cute. She's spent the entire evening curled in a happy lump on Jen's chest -- looks like she's stuck to Jen by velcro. Not that Jen minds.

Babycat won the Dog Popularity Contest too. To our shock, all three dogs were simply thrilled to meet her. Even our big bossy grumpy old border collie, Bobo, loved her. He thought she was a tiny sheep we'd given to him to guard, and soon began trying to herd around.

Of course, not everyone shared our joy. Jasmine aka Evil Spawn of Satan, formerly known as The Kitten, did not appreciate having a vile usurper kitten move into her space.

Hopefully in a few days, Jasmine will begin to see Babycat the way we do, as the cutest sweetest little friend you could ever hope to have.

January 23, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (2)

Most beautiful thing I've seen in a long time...

via videosift.com

Dolphins Blowing & Manipulating Bubble Rings in the Water! • videosift.com

(Thanks to Ketzl for finding and sharing this transcendent sublimity.)

January 21, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

I love animals, and advocate both animal rescue and the humane treatment of animals. Yet I am not totally anti-fur. Or at least I wasn't until I saw this. Did a whole pack of foxes have to die just to make one runway model look like a fur douchebag? Holy crap. Even if McQueen is trying to live up to his McName, next time he should opt for FAUX.

A model presents a creation by British designer Alexander McQueen during the Men Automn/Winter 2008 collections of the Milan ready-to-wear fashion shows...link.

January 15, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love, Sexual Beauty | Permalink | Comments (0)

January 11, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (4)

Just a few of the ideas we've had:

Adonis, Apollo, Ulysses (or Ulysses S. Dog or possibly Ulysses S. Pant), Frank, Dude, Archimedes (Archie for short), and, currently, Percival.

January 10, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (2)

We just got back with our new doggie and everyone LOVES him! For the non-dog-lovers out there I promise I will not burden you with my current pup-o-mania for too much longer...but there might be some pictures. :)

Suffice to say: he's soft, he's cuddly, he's calm, he's very well-mannered, and he is almost unbearably CUTE CUTE CUTE. He's one of the sweetest dogs I've ever met. On the ride back from his foster mom's, the little tyke gave me a few shy kisses. OH yeah, he knows how to work it!

Will likes him. The poodle likes him. Even the House Grumpo (Bobo, the alpha border collie) likes him! So we are off to a fantastic beginning with our new baby dog.

We still haven't picked a new name for him (Oscar is a fine name, but we already know a dog named Oscar, and feel he deserves his very own special name). Possibilities right now include Adonis or Mars (to complement Venus), Romeo and Ulysses. We may end up with something as plain as Bob or Frank too....we need just a little more time to reach the final, all-important decision.

January 10, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Little Oscar is coming home today! YAY! We pick him up at 2 pm. I'm bringing his soon-to-be sister, Venus, along to welcome him to the family.

What more could anyone wish for? Well, I can wish that Venus and Oscar find the kind of true love that Tasha and Lucky share....

Be forewarned. If you are a puppy-maniac like me, this video could be addictive.

January 10, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (3)

So today, we snuck out during the workday to pay a visit to the pound puppy we were considering. Her owners never showed so it was virtually guaranteed we could have her. It was time for her to meet more family members. Will came with me this time, and so did Venus the poodle. Last night, Jen raised the troubling possibility that instead of being the calm, mild breed listed in the pound's rescue ad, the puppy might actually be a Jack Russell terrier - notorious for its wildly energetic antics and its insatiable appetite for tormenting (and attacking) cats. AGH! The more I thought about it, the more I realized the puppy couldn't be the breed they claimed. After months of searching, it'd be awful to end up with an incompatible (for this household) breed.

Well, sure enough, the frightened submissive puppy I'd met a couple of days ago got all kinds of frisky in the pound's visiting area. She leapt 3 feet straight into the air; she raced around like her tail was on fire; she was tiny but powerful, with strong shoulders and a lean behind. IOW, the Jack in her was as plain as day. Worse still, the poodle took an instant dislike to her. Venus hopped on a bench and growled at her, rebuffing all attempts at play when she wasn't pretending that the puppy didn't exist.

We regretfully withdrew our application. If Venus, our official goodwill dogbassador, couldn't get along with her, we couldn't imagine what Bobo (the house grump) or any of the cats would make of this adorable but utterly mad speed demon.

And so my thoughts returned to Oscar. Oscar the Shy. Oscar of the punked out Mohawk. So sweet and so quiet, and so much in need of a safe forever home. As we drove away from the pound, my disappointment over the puppy vanished. I want Oscar. I love his sweet little freaky hair. I have no doubt whatever that Venus will love him too. Best of all, the rescue group is so caring, they give families a week to evaluate whether the dog is a good fit. I know he will be, but it's comforting to know that if some terrible reaction from an existing pet forced us to give him up, he will go right back to his incredibly kind foster mom.

So Oscar is almost home. He has to see a vet about an infected eye but as soon as he gets a clean bill of health, he's OURS!

Now comes the sweet agony of trying to decide on a name. Will thinks we should wait and let him tell us his name but I want to start training him to come when I call as soon as he gets here...and for that, a name would be awfully helpful :)

January 9, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (5)

So it's official. We're getting a puppy! Actually, better than that, we are getting a puppy AND a kitten. The sorrows of losing two pets in one year have at last yielded to the determination to rescue more darling, needy fur babies. My husband took the animal deaths so very hard, he could barely think of getting a new dog. But, I finally WORE HIM DOWN ;)

Jen and I spent the better part of Saturday morning and afternoon on the hunt. Since the animal shelters and rescue groups are always overflowing with needy dogs, you can be as picky as you want. So I'm trying to keep my senses about me and not just take home the one who looks at me with the saddest eyes.

We were seriously bummed out a few weeks ago when we filed an application with a local pound on an incredibly bouncy, baby poodle mix only to find out we were FOURTH in line, and they do "first come, first serve." County pounds are an example of how democracy can totally SUCK. Rescue groups look through applications and pick the homes they think will be best for their strays. But pounds just go down a list of approved applications and hope the people who adopt the dogs are honorable. Oy vey.

Anyway, after not getting the pup we wanted, I've been living on rescue sites, watching for new arrivals. The other day, the pound listed a young Brussels Griffon. PERFECT! When I opened the gate, she scrambled out of her cage and into my arms, wiggled to the ground, rolled her belly up for rubs, then threw herself in my arms again to give me hairy kisses (she's got the cutest little beard). She's all of about 3-4 months and maybe 4-5 pounds soaking wet. She was impounded when Animal Control was alerted that her owners kept her tied up in the yard all day and night - with temperatures dropping to 16! Ignorant fools. They may still reclaim her. GRRR. I hate to think of them getting her back after treating her that way.

But if they don't come for her, she is ours! OMG. I'll know on the 10th. Meanwhile, I met another dog I instantly loved. He's one of the strangest-looking creatures I've seen, some kind of mix of a, gee, I don't know - a tiny pony and a Chinese Crested (the hairless breed that has the ridiculous POUF of hair on top its tiny head). He melted in my arms and I melted in my heart.

Check out little 3 year old Oscar yawning, and dig that crazy do!

Oscar is currently living with an awesome foster mom who says she'd never seen a dog as pitiful as him when she rescued him. Covered in mange, really really bad mange, and starving to death. Oscar's trauma has left him a bit shy but he is the sweetest little poochie EVER, and I think he would make a fantastic boyfriend for my poodle, Venus. So if the Pound puppy doesn't work out, we've agreed to take Oscar home. Which means by next weekend, I should have a new baby! I'm sooo psyched.

A lot of this is about my beloved little Venus, the world's most loving little dog. She has not stopped grieving the death of Theo the bichon, her buddy and boyfriend and the best play-mate she ever had. He lit her up. They played chase and "who'll-top-who?" hours a day. She got a notch sadder when Malachi, our ginger cat, died last week. Though they were not buddies, she followed his illness and recuperation very attentively, and was very very proud when we let her (and her alone) visit with him during his illness. Venus is the house nurse: whenever someone isn't feeling well, she's the first to snuggle up to them or sniff their booboo. The first few days after Malachi was gone, Venus didn't want to play, she wouldn't share kisses, she lay there like a big lump of melancholy fluff with her bright little eyes all sad.

Me? Anthropomorphize my pets? Never!

Well, just wanted to share the sunny horizon ahead. Our pack will grow this week and I'm so glad I could sing out loud.

Meanwhile, in cat-land, Jen and I also met an adorable little calico currently named Mary. She has a soft, soulful, sweet expression. The shelter won't release her until she's spayed (it's a GA law), and they can't spay until she hits a hefty 2 pounds (she's under 1 1/2 lbs now). Jen seems to want to look at some other kittens before making a final decision but my heart already belongs to little Mary. Here she is:

I think she looks like an angel.

January 6, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (5)

from our home to yours...

January 1, 2008 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (5)

What were you expecting, you perverts?

Hanging out : A Blue Tit hangs from a branch awaiting its turn on a bird feeder

Check out those tiny little tail-feathers!

December 24, 2007 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Catsturbation"
from
Cute Overload

December 20, 2007 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Wow, if I could feel sure that it's safe for their health, I would give anything to have glow-in-the-dark cats.

Imagine them slinking around a dungeon with black lights. Or walking through the bars on cages, all lit up like that. That would scare the pants off a newbie, alright. I don't think that novelty would ever wear off.

This handout photo released in Seoul by the Ministry of Science and Technology shows a combo of cloned cats that have a fluorescence protein gene and glowing under ultraviolet beams. The technology could help develop treatments for human genetic diseases, the developers said.

link.

December 14, 2007 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Apparently they get horny enough to mate with statues.

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Moose Mounts Bison Statue

Hmm. What could explain such horniness? Perhaps his Mistress just let him out of his CB-3000?

December 9, 2007 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Thanks to Mike for sending me this picture, which just about reduced me to a molten puddle of oozing, drooling "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."

Seems hedgehogs are having a hard time of it this year - mild weather's messing with them so much they aren't hibernating on schedule and the resultant stresses are causing many of them broken bones. Oh too sad.

Link: Abandoned baby hedgehogs are too weak to hibernate

On the happy side, though, this lucky fellow and many other of his traumatized compatriots are being rescued by the kind-hearted people at Tiggywinkles. I wish them all a speedy recovery and hope they can get their winter nap soon!

December 8, 2007 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

I hope you like scary animals as much as I do :)

World's largest spitting cobra species found in Kenya: study

A new giant species of spitting cobra -- about 2.6 metres long and with enough venom to kill up to 20 people in one bite -- has been discovered in Kenya, a study said Friday.

The large brown spitting cobra...grows to a maximum two metres, with an average of 1.5 metres, scientists said, making the new species the largest in the world.

The new Naja Ashei species, named after James Ashe who founded the Bio-Ken snake farm in Watamu on the Kenyan coast, produces 6.2 millilitres of liquid venom, which is the among the largest amounts of venom ever extracted from a snake at a single milking....

Stand back! According to another piece, spitting cobras can spurt their venom a distance of several meters.

December 8, 2007 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

That arm belonged to the poor Taiwanese vet who was treating this croc.

From Reuters pictures of the year.

December 8, 2007 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

One solution to global warming is in a kangaroo's ass...or at least in its intestinal bacteria.

Eco-friendly kangaroo farts could help global warming: scientists

Has anyone ever studied human farts to see how they affect global warming?

December 7, 2007 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

November 23, 2007 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (4)

I don't run a whole lot of cat pictures here (my dogs won't let me) but this is a special shout-out to Malachi, our big brave red tom cat, the scourge of small vermin and the apple of every human's eye. Like all cats, Mr. Malachi is a special cat: brave and noble and bold and proud, sweet and affectionate and cuddly and mild. Our little lion of love had major surgery yesterday and he isn't out of the woods yet. This kitten-pin-up is for you, Malachi. We are all waiting for you to come home.

Here's one of Malachi in healthier times, lounging like a pasha with his sisters:

November 21, 2007 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

Really people: I understand that the fuss and stress Thanksgiving may cause you to feel that you cannot control your own life as you please...but for God's sake, don't take it out on your pets. At least give your dog a safe word.

November 19, 2007 in Pets and Animal Love | Permalink | Comments (0)

This dog sounds like it was crossed with a dolphin in a past life! O.M.G.

November 10, 2007 in Pets and