Gloria's Oversexed Mind

Pee-time for Dummies

In case you were born without common sense, iPod has the solution for you.

I'm waiting for the ap which tells subs when they can pee.

Fourth Fun: events you may not know about

Still casting about for something interesting or different to do this holiday weekend? A random selection of one-of-a-kind events.

In L.A.:

the Wandering Uterus Tour
Hosted by Cassandra Love
with Marty McConnell, Tristin Silverman & Corrie Greathouse too
also open reading

Friday, July 3, 2009
7:30pm - 10:30pm
Location: Stories Books 1716 Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA
Phone: 2134133733

In N.Y.:

DJ Jason & Shadowlands present

Absolution Weekend

NYC's original multi DJ scene night returns for a celebration of the NYC underground

Friday & Saturday
July 3rd & July 4th, 2009
goth, darkwave, industrial, death rock, EBM, synth pop

Doors open at midnight. Open late.
$20 cover donation, or $15 w/ this pass.
ID is a must for this private party. (18 to enter, 21 to drink)
113 Doyers street (3 blocks south of Canal off Bowery)
Youth Palace Inc.
Chinatown, NYC

More details:
Myspace.com/nycabsolution

In San Francisco:

Huge Vintage Clothing Sidewalk Sale!!

Saturday, July 4, 2009 at 9:00am - Sunday, July 5, 2009 at 4:00pm

Hi Folks! I'm hosting a big vintage clothing sale with fantastic bargains on clothing: vintage to modern, and great accessories: shoes, bags etc, as well as a large collection of vintage vinyl: LPs to die for!! It's right in the heart of Hayes Valley, Saturday, July 4th AND Sunday July 5th, from 9am till 4pm both days, behind Momi Tobies cafe, this coming weekend!! Don't miss it!

491 Linden St.
San Francisco, CA
Email: voilaveronica@gmail.com

In Atlanta.

Atlanta artist John Cox, whose caricatures of Iranian leaders are turning up on protest signs around the world, will exhibit hundreds of his caricatures and political cartoons from 7 to 10 p.m. at Sycamore Place Gallery, located at 120 Sycamore Place in Decatur, next door to Fellini's Pizza. With sketchpad in hand, he also will draw a caricature of YOU, if you desire. Free.

Saturday, July 4, 2009
7:00pm - 10:00pm
Sycamore Place Gallery
120 Sycamore Place
Decatur, GA

Phone: 4043777747
Email: sycsyl@yahoo.com

Gillis-a-Thon: the end

I guess today wouldn't be complete without linking to at least one morally edifying object lesson on the perils and pitfalls of being a male porn star. In this clip from 800 Fantasy Lane, starring Jamie Gillis and Lisa DeLeeuw , you will observe the helpless Mr. Gillis being objectified and treated as a mere vehicle for the depraved pleasures of a cold-hearted vixen. Do not be fooled by her beauty: Satan sent her! See how she woman-handles him, forcing his pants open, exposing his big beefy bundle of manhood as if it was an object, a bag of flesh, a mere toy for her amusement.  See how she lunges at him, teeth first: is that not the gaping mouth of hell itself? You have only to watch him writhe in the throes of what I and all moral people can only assume is agony and shame to know there's something wrong here (other than the fact that she's there instead of me, I mean). This is nothing more than a man-hating, sexist misanthropic act of violence against an innocent male victim. Or do you think that just because he has a massive cock, he DESERVES to be molested like this, you sexist pig? I blame the Matriarchy!

Click if you love blowjobs. But for goodness sake, make sure no kids, spouses, bosses or family pets are in the room.

Thanks to Steve Otero for sharing the link.

The Many Loves of Jamie Gillis, III

Finally, I looked high and low for vidclips and finally settled on these three wondrous ones found found on youtube (where the Gillis collection is tragically small).

Classic comedy scene from Misty Beethoven.

and some serious SM mojo from "The Seduction of Lyn Carter"

Now, what happens when you combine existential angst and an enema fetish? A cinematic classic called "Waterpowered," featuring perhaps the best porn line ever delivered: "you can't just stick a tube up their asses and hope for the best."

You can send fanmail to Mr. Gillis by visiting his site, jamiegillis.com.

The Many Loves of Jamie Gillis, II

Just realized I've got so much material, I need to divide today's Gillis tribute into three parts. Part II of my all-day love-gush for Mr. Gillis is devoted to movie posters and stills. One problem I quickly discovered while researching him: when male porn stars star in movies with women, the women are usually the focus of the cover art. Which made it a bit challenging to find ones with clear shots of Jamie Gillis.

What's a nice Jewish boy/Columbia University graduate/porn superstar to do? Smile about it, I guess.

Posters

Here are a handful of movie posters where you can clearly see Gillis, beginning with the widely acclaimed porn classic, Misty Beethoven. I believe the first was original to the movie's first release.

This one was issued after the film had won critical accolades.

Stills

Are you happy?

Thanks to Topaz C. for this.

21st Century Ponygirls

via Boing Boing

American Porn Idol

Guess I'd say "is nothing sacred!?" if I didn't find this so hilariously dim. What greater testament to American stupidity can there be than to offer this sweet and proper lady a chance to star in porn? Yah, she's got amazing pipes: so let's see her nekkid! haw haw haw. Sometimes I think we're all just living in an R. Crumb cartoon.

She has the voice that's been heard around the world singing "I Dreamed a Dream" last week on Britain's Got Talent. Susan Boyle stunned the world and Simon Cowell with her performance, which was a victory made sweeter by the fact that when she walked on stage, everybody thought the mousy 47-year-old Scottish woman was a joke. She's no joke, and the 100,000,000 (that's one hundred million) hits the video of her performance has garnered so far proves it. So what's next for Ms. Boyle?

The offers should come pouring in. The New York Daily News reports that she's already received her first one, but it's not for her voice. She has been offered $1 million to lose her virginity in a porn film for LA-based Kick Ass Films.

Brit Singer Susan Boyle Offered $1M to Lose Virginity in Porn

FU you CO

The sex news of late has been taking some surrealistic turns. Out of Colorado, this story of a woman's whose plate was revoked because TOFU sounded too much like Fuck You to the DMV.

One Colorado woman's love for tofu has been judged X-rated by state officials. Kelly Coffman-Lee wanted to tell the world about her fondness for bean curd by picking certain letters for her SUV's license plate. Her suggestion for the plate: "ILVTOFU." But the Division of Motor Vehicles blocked her plan because they thought the combination of letters could be interpreted as profane.

Says Department of Revenue spokesman Mark Couch: "We don't allow 'FU' because some people could read that as street language for sex."

Woman's tofu license plate curdles in Colo.

World poverty or Harvey Wallbangers?

Another survey, this one reporting that one quarter of women would rather be a TV star than win a Nobel, and that the same percent would gladly betray their best friends if it meant they could be thin.

WTF? Who ARE these women? OH! 18-24 year olds! I see. The most mature segment of the female population, and the ones whose values have been so well-tested by time! AHA! (Actually, later in the article it says 18-34: so which is it?)

As I recall, when I was college age, the really urgent questions of the day were pretty much what would I wear, what would I eat, and whether I'd get laid that night. I wonder what kind of priorities a survey of women ages 45 to 65 would show. I also wonder why the spokespeople/reporters are saying "women" instead of "college-age women." If the headline said "college-age women," then readers could say "Ohhhh! *sigh* To be that young and foolish again!"

Smart or thin? Rich or ugly?

Women still have a complex and contradictory relationship with their own image according to a poll released on Tuesday that found 25 percent of those questioned would rather win the "America's Next Top Model" TV show than the Nobel Peace Prize.

And although 75 percent of women surveyed said they'd be willing to shave their heads to save the life of a stranger, more than a quarter of those taking part admitted they would make their best friend fat for life, if it meant they could be thin.

As for that age-old dilemma of whether to marry for wealth or looks, half of the 18- to 24-year-olds questioned said they would marry an ugly man if he were a multimillionaire.

Brains or beauty? Women still conflicted