But by the next day, I was so ashamed I never wanted to do it again. It completely conflicted with my pacifist/hippie/feminist philosophies. I was fresh out of a Women's Studies class and a card-carrying NOW member, and had learned that expression of female aggression is an emulation of the patriarchal paradigm.
It took me YEARS to overcome that bullshit, the idea that all negative female behavior is a response to male behavior. Studying sex and gender science, and later my life experience a a dominatrix, showed me that female aggression is as real and potentially lethal as male aggression.
I was sexually aggressive. I also had a conscience. When I finally found people who wanted me to be aggressive, who got off on me being sadistic and controlling, then the real me could really live.